The great thing about the Web is that it exposes you to different and
diverse modes of thought, most of which are lame. Case in point: The ChildCare Action Project. At this
site you can learn about such things as the heretofore undiscovered
link between comedy crotch-whackings and teenage promiscuity, and
the revelation that the anarchy symbol is actually ancient Greek for
The centerpiece of the site, however, is the collection of movie
ratings, designed to warn the God-fearing away from such dangerous
influences as Iron Giant. The proprietor exhaustively
analyzes popular movies for errors of behavior and faith, except for
those movies too blasphemous to sit through, such as 8MM,
200 Cigarettes, and, for some reason, Matilda.
He generally lists some of the problematical aspects of each film, and
this is where the site really starts to get eerie. For instance,
under Star Wars: Episode IV he lists "breast bounce."
I've wracked my brains trying to figure out where in the film the infamous
Star Wars Breast Bounce takes place, and I can only conclude that
this guy pays a lot more attention to Carrie Fisher's chest than I ever did.
We heartily recommend giving this guy's site a good crawling,
but for those in a hurry or in need of convincing, here's a small
sampling of movies he's rated and interesting warnings accompanying them:
||"Repeated exposure to adult underwear"
|Shakespeare in Love
||"Presentation of a skull"
||"Somewhat militaristic praising of Jesus"
||"Attention to male crotch"
|The X-Files: Fight the Future
||"Talk of enjoying alcoholic beverages"
|A Midsummer Night's Dream
||"Demanding the right-of-way"
||"Praising of bones"
||"Calling real that which is bizarre"
||"Psychic connection between humans"
|The Thin Red Line
||"Multiple full third-world nudity"