The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

The great thing about the Web is that it exposes you to different and diverse modes of thought, most of which are lame. Case in point: The ChildCare Action Project. At this site you can learn about such things as the heretofore undiscovered link between comedy crotch-whackings and teenage promiscuity, and the revelation that the anarchy symbol is actually ancient Greek for "Jesus Sucks."

The centerpiece of the site, however, is the collection of movie ratings, designed to warn the God-fearing away from such dangerous influences as Iron Giant. The proprietor exhaustively analyzes popular movies for errors of behavior and faith, except for those movies too blasphemous to sit through, such as 8MM, 200 Cigarettes, and, for some reason, Matilda. He generally lists some of the problematical aspects of each film, and this is where the site really starts to get eerie. For instance, under Star Wars: Episode IV he lists "breast bounce." I've wracked my brains trying to figure out where in the film the infamous Star Wars Breast Bounce takes place, and I can only conclude that this guy pays a lot more attention to Carrie Fisher's chest than I ever did.

We heartily recommend giving this guy's site a good crawling, but for those in a hurry or in need of convincing, here's a small sampling of movies he's rated and interesting warnings accompanying them:

Inspector Gadget "Repeated exposure to adult underwear"
Godzilla (1998) "Samurai nudity"
Shakespeare in Love "Presentation of a skull"
The Apostle "Somewhat militaristic praising of Jesus"
Tarzan (1999) "Parental arguing"
Analyze This "Attention to male crotch"
The X-Files: Fight the Future "Talk of enjoying alcoholic beverages"
A Midsummer Night's Dream "Statue nudity"
Three Ninjas "Demanding the right-of-way"
Willow "Praising of bones"
The Matrix "Calling real that which is bizarre"
Twin Dragons "Psychic connection between humans"
The Thin Red Line "Multiple full third-world nudity"
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