The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

There are too damn many pop songs. Ever since the one-hit wonder de-regulation of the Eighties, international leaders have agreed that the wandering herds of pop choking the globe should be culled for the good of the planet. Attempts to reach an agreement on which to destroy, however, have always failed, with the United States insisting on a unilateral ABBA ban while refusing to even consider the sweeping Billy Joel reductions that the European Union is asking for.

In keeping with our history of international diplomacy (we regularly order commemorative stamps from obscure island nations), we've come up with a solution that's as simple as it is equitable: simply remove the great many songs with titles that cancel each other out. "Rain" by Madonna and "No Rain" by Blind Melon, poof. "Don't Stand So Close to Me" by The Police, and "Don't Go Away" by Oasis, poof. You get the idea.

So we want your help with this one. Send us your cancellations via the form at the bottom of the page. We'll put our favorites on this page, to be presented to the United Nations whenever we get around to it, and we'll put all the others elsewhere.

Note: We've closed out the form. If you're really dying to submit, you can mail us, but we can't say how quickly we'll get it up there.

Mark (

  • Alive [Pearl Jam] & Dead [They Might Be Giants]
  • Mother [Danzig] & Daddy [Korn]

James Robinson (

  • When I Grow Up [Michelle Shocked] & When I Was A Boy [Dar Williams]

parade (

  • I'll Be There [Jackson 5] & I'll Be Gone [Tom Waits]

Jason Abbott (

  • I Remember Now [Queensryche] & I Don't Remember [Peter Gabriel]


  • Get Up [Prince] & Get Down Tonight [KC & The Sunshine Band]
  • Losing My Religion [REM] & Faith [George Michael]

Jeff Farris (

  • Love, Me [Colin Raye] & Fuck You [Dig]

Mike Stevens (

  • Boys [The Beatles] & Girl [The Beatles]

Andrew (

  • Walk on Water [Marc Cohn] & Swim [Fishbone]
  • Today [Smashing Pumpkins] & When I'm 64 [The Beatles]

Ranjeet Rao (

  • Another Time Another Place [U2] & Right Here, Right Now [Jesus Jones]

Karina Gohde (

  • Here Comes the Rain Again [Eurythmics] & Here Comes the Sun [Beatles]
  • Little Lies [Fleetwood Mac] & Honesty [Billy Joel]

jasonlovesshioru (

  • Go [Pearl Jam] & Don't Go [Matthew Sweet]

Colby Cunningham (

  • 100% Pure Love [Crystal Waters] & Smack My Bitch Up [Prodigy]

John Campbell (

  • Get On Your Feet [Gloria Estefan] & Sit Down [James]

Xebra (

  • Bad Moon Rising [Creedence Clearwater Revival] & Here Comes The Sun [Beatles]

Hunter Brooks (

  • It's Over [Roy Orbison] & We've Only Just Begun [The Carpenters]

Kevin Matchstick (

  • One [U2] & Zero [Smashing Pumpkins]
  • Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps [Cake] & Zero Chance [Soundgarden]
  • Degradation [Violent Femmes] & Respect [Aretha Franklin]
  • It's the End of the World (As We Know It) [R.E.M.] & The World is New [Save Ferris]

Rosey (

  • I Want to Hold Your Hand [Beatles] & Hand in my Pocket [Alanis Morrisette]

Ranjeet Rao (

  • Stand [REM] & I Fall Down [U2]
  • Keep it Up [Soul Asylum] & Surrender [U2]

diane (

  • The Immigrant Song [led zeppelin] & Born In The U.S.A. [Bruce Springsteen]

K Bishop (

  • Bad [Michael Jackson] & Goody-2-Shoes [Adam Ant]

Diggit (

  • 911 is a Joke [Public Enemy] & Someone Saved My Life Tonight [Elton John]

kathleen (

  • Black or White [Michael Jackson] & Kodachrome [Paul Simon]
  • Alone [Heart] & We'll be Together [Sting]

Patricia Miller (

  • Horse with No Name [America] & Wildfire [Michael Murphey]

Dave Yonteff (

  • Wake Up Little Susie [Everly Brothers] & Lullaby [Billy Joel]

Jon Hantler (

  • How Bizarre [OMC] & Ordinary World [Duran Duran]

Luna (

  • Rebels [Tom Petty] & Empire [Queensryche]

cindy (

  • War [Edwin Starr (and Springsteen)] & Give Peace a Chance [John Lennon]
  • Someone Saved My Life Tonight [Elton John] & Murder by Numbers [The Police]
  • Blue Sky [Allman Brothers] & Stormy Weather [Ella Fitzgerald]

Craig (

  • Where The Streets Have No Name [U2] & 77 Sunset Strip [Warren Barker]
  • The Chain [Fleetwood Mac] & Unchained Melody [Zaret/North]
  • Dancing on the Ceiling [Lionel Richie] & Get Down [Backstreet Boys]
  • Obsession [Animotion] & I Don't Care Anymore [Phil Collins]
  • Don't Answer Me [Alan Parsons Project] & Talk To Me [LeAnn Rimes]
  • Dancing With Myself [Billy Idol] & Dancing With a Stranger [Cyndi Lauper]
  • White Wedding [Billy Idol] & Black Celebration [Depeche Mode]

Danica Donalies (

  • Drive [The Cars] & Crash Into Me [Dave Matthews Band]

Xebra (

  • What's Love Got to Do With It? [Tina Turner] & Love is All You Need [Beatles]
  • Honey Don't [Beatles] & Do It Again [Steely Dan]

Sean McCauley ( [Also pin (]

  • Stairway to Heaven [Led Zeppelin] & Highway to Hell [AC/DC]

gary voegtle (

  • Time Is On My Side [Rolling Stones] & No Time [Guess Who]


  • We've Only Just Begun [The Carpenters] & End of the Line [Traveling Wilburys]

Jaime (

  • Don't Cry [Guns n' Roses] & Cry me a River [Pride and Glory]

Lore Fitzgerald Sjöberg

  • Love Will Keep Us Together [Captain & Tenille] & Love Will Tear Us Apart [Joy Division]
  • Once in a Lifetime [Talking Heads] & Everyday [Buddy Holly]
  • God Save the Queen [Sex Pistols] & Anarchy in the UK [Sex Pistols]

Dave Neilsen

  • Let's Go [Wang Chung] & Stay [Oingo Boingo]
  • An Innocent Man [Billy Joel] & Guilty [Blues Brothers]
  • Susie Q [Creedence Clearwater Revival] & My Name is Not Susan [Whitney Houston]

Whitney Fitzgerald Freemesser (

  • Cold as Ice [Foreigner] & Hot Blooded [Foreigner]
  • Closer [nine inch nails] & So Far Away [Dire Straits]
  • I Can't Dance [Genesis] & Dancing Queen [ABBA]

Peg Tallan (

  • Born to Run [Bruce Springstein] & Walk On By [Dionne Warwick]

Eric H. (

  • The Sounds of Silence [Simon & Garfunkel] & Voices Carry ['Til Tuesday]
  • Human [Human League] & Animal [Def Leppard]
  • Lies Lies Lies [Thompson Twins] & True [Spandau Ballet]

Josh Thomson

  • We Didn't Start the Fire [Billy Joel] & Burning Down the House [Talking Heads]

CB (

  • Jump Around [House of Pain] & Relax [Frankie Goes to Hollywood]

Ron Ramos (

  • We Are the Champions [Queen] & Loser [Beck]

The Matchity (

  • Pressure [Billy Joel] & Freedom [George Michael]

Michael Schwartz (

  • 99.9 Degrees [Suzanne Vega] & Less Than Zero [Elvis Costello]
  • Paint It Black [Rolling Stones] & Color My World [Chicago]

Erin Fitzgerald Baumgarner (

  • Come Together [The Beatles] & Separate Ways [Journey]

Roger Friedman (

  • Walking on Sunshine [Katrina and the Waves] & Moondance [Van Morrison]

John (

  • Don't Let's Start [They Might Be Giants] & Start Me Up [Rolling Stones]
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