The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

Breakfast Menu

Morning Eye-Opener
Start your day right with six eggs cooked how you like them, two sausage links, two sausage patties, two sausages in pyramid form, country ham, city ham, bacon, some more bacon, a short stack of our Blue Speck Pancakes, home fries, away fries, hash browns, grits, cheese grits, cheese grits with even more cheese, toast, muffin, biscuit and your choice of toast, muffin, or biscuit. $8.95

Our World-Famous Blue Speck Pancakes
They're world-famous! It's true! They were on Leno, right after Geena Davis plugged "Stuart Little"! They wrote a well-received paper on the role of song in The Consolation of Philosophy! They brokered a trade agreement between the US and Senegal! If you haven't heard of these pancakes, it's due to your own sordid ignorance, motherfucker! Comes with maple or boysenberry syrup. $4.95

Two Eggs Any Style except Neo-Classical, Jazz Fusion, or Magic Realism

Make Your Own Omelet
A custom-made omelet created to your specifications. Start with three eggs for $2.25, and then add any of the following for $1.25 each:

A pan A spatula A plate
Nonstick coating Salt A fork
Heat Pepper A waiter willing to
bring it to your table
A short-order cook A knife Bell peppers
A short-order cook
who washes his hands
A napkin Cheese

Eggs Benedict
Two eggs of some sort on an english muffin with some sort of sauce. We think. Look, we'll figure it out if anyone ever orders it. $6.95

Breakfast Burrito
The same as our Morning Eye-Opener, except we wrap it in a big-ass tortilla. $9.95

Biscuits and Gravy
We go the extra mile to bring you the most viscid of breakfast entrees with our double-rendered sausage gravy with diced ham and biscuits made entirely out of suet. $5.95

Diet Plate
Get the hell out of our restaurant and don't come back, you tofu-hugging flower child!


Coffee $1.25
Decaf Coffee $1.25
Flavored Coffee $1.25
Tea* $1.25
Orange juice* $1.25
Tomato juice* $1.25
Grapefruit juice* $1.25
Soda* $1.25

*actually coffee

A 45% gratuity will be added to the check for all parties of one or more. Egg substitute available when we're dead and buried.

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