The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

The Future of Marketing

Excerpted from an upcoming issue of Collectible Pretty Much Everything Magazine:

[Collectible Doritos]

In August, Frito-Lay will be retiring its popular "Muy Picante" and "Pico de Pizza" corn chips. These chips have been consistent sellers and aftermarket prices are already rising. Two new flavors will be taking their place: "Cajun Caliente" and "Sour Cream 'N' Salsa." Both are sure to be must-haves for any serious snack chip collector.

[Collectible Cheese]

Speaking of food collectibles, the American Dairy Council has decided, at long last, to retire cheddar. Dairy collectors will be somewhat teary-eyed to see this cheese go -- many got their start in cheese collecting with a block of cheddar -- but those tears will dry up quickly when they see how much their investment goes up in value! And coming up soon is the hotly-anticipated memorial cheese dedicated to sorely-missed funnyman Jim Varney. Details are being kept under tight wraps but rumors are that it will be a variety of Edam.

[Collectible Angel]

The Catholic Church is expected to retire over fifty saints just in time for the Christmas rush. Among the saints taking their place will be Saint Chad, patron saint of hand-held devices, Saint Burt, patron saint of legroom, and Saint Chi-Chi, patron saint of unwanted hair removal. Even more exciting are the reports that the Church may be extending its collectibles line to archangels, retiring the angels Michael and Uriel and replacing them with new angels "Cooliel" and "Happiel," sure to be among the most lovable -- and most collectible -- noncorporeal beings ever.

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