Matchlight briquettes? No lighter fluid? Where's the fun in that?

Who brought Spam to the BBQ? Am I supposed to grill it? How do you know when Spam's done?

Is the grill hot enough? It doesn't look that hot. I'd better check and see.. Ow! Yes, ok, yes, it's hot enough.

Why did Sam just tell Betty he'd like some vanilla? What's he talking about? Is that their secret signal? Are they bored?

Bill's had three beers already. Damn. He's gonna have three more and then pass out in my living room. He does it every year. I hate it. He drools.

OK, that piece is definitely ready. It's been well grilled. I wonder what it is.

I need more newspaper to start the fire. Here we go, no wait, that's the sports section. I'd better save that.

Don't fill up on chips people, you won't have room for all the meat I'm grilling. Then I'd have to kill you.

Roger just wished me a happy Memorial Day. Is that right? Are we supposed to be happy today?

Nobody ever gets naked at my BBQs. I wonder what I'm doing wrong.