The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

In light of the new X-Files movie being released, many people are being introduced to this oft-confusing phenomenon for the first time. What follows is a quick introduction to X-Speak for the uninitiated. These are just a few of the words and phrases which may need some X-Plaining.

The Truth is Out There:

This is the slogan of the series. It means that the truth of the existence of extra-terrestrials exists and is waiting to be found. In subsequent episodes, it also means vampires are real and dance in LA night clubs, the Loch Ness Monster is alive and well in a North American Lake and dining on stupid teenagers, cockroaches don't eat people, and freak shows are really, really freaky. In network circles, it means unrequited sexual tension equals big ratings.

Cancer Man:

This is the secret evil genius who, through over-exposure and a few too many episodes centered on him, has lost his mystique and now is more of a Darth Vader figure in that he's probably someone's father. There's a good chance we'll see him take off his helmet soon and abandon the dark side.

The Black Goo:

It has been used in the series in a number of ways, from a ship-wrecked alien to a form of alien mind-control cancer that enters through the nose and mouth to a marketable toy for kids. Whatever it is, it's bad. Especially if it's a marketable toy for kids.

The Lone Gunmen:

This does not, in fact, refer to the theory that Lee Harvey Oswald was the only gunman involved in the Kennedy Assassination. Rather, it refers to three freaky-deaky geekoids who have their own secret lab and have been known to help Mulder and lust after Scully from time to time. They also killed Kennedy and framed Oswald.

The Well-Manicured Man:

There was a time when this phrase referred to the true power behind the evil syndicate of the show, a Baron Munchausen type who is always in a snit. Lately however, the phrase refers to David Duchovny's many tabloid photo shoots with gorgeous wife Tea Leoni. The man is looking GOOD!

The Big Government Conspiracy:

This is the tent pole which drives the show. It actually is a catch phrase that can mean different things depends on who uses it. When Mulder says it, he is referring to the government plot to use alien DNA to colonize the Earth with alien/human hybrids. When Scully uses the phrase, she is talking about the Government's illegal medical experiments and cataloging of individuals during and after WWII which gave rise to a new bio-toxin which endangers us all. When a fan of the show uses the phrase, he or she is referring to the unseen forces which bar Mulder and Scully from kissing each other.

I hope this little lesson has made your life a little easier, and that just a few of the confusions about this incredible series have become a little clearer.

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