The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

Neve Campbell, Denise Richards, a soapy car wash and champagne poured over semi-naked bodies.

Yeah, this flick had some good bits.

Plus, fans of the "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" game take note, this flick clears an easy path to connect The Kev to all the "Scream" kids, through Neve Campbell. What a bargain!

The film in question is "Wild Things," a spirited romp of passion and betrayal in the Florida Everglades.

Didn't that last sentence sound cool?

Basically, this film takes a page from the success of the Kevin Williamson films (the "Scream" films and "I Know What You Did Last Summer at Bluefish Cove While Dancing on a Big Pile of Tissue") and gives us a lot of pretty young things running around screaming while hiding the shocking ending from all prying eyes so know one will ever guess the truth.

I know, I know, that was a long sentence. Sorry.

Here's the story, sort of: Two high school girls (Neve and Denise) accuse their guidance counselor (Matt Dillon) of rape. A detective (Kevin Bacon) thinks there's more here than meets the eye.

As with any thriller, you must judge this film by the quality of the mystery. Did I guess the ending? Nope. But it was the kind of trick ending that isn't really fair. Imagine a Scooby-Doo episode where they unmask the killer and it's the evil Swede, only you don't remember them ever introducing a Swede in the episode.

During the closing credits, the film shows us a number of key scenes from a completely different point of view, and we get to see a lot of things made clear. That was totally cool.

In the end, the glory of this film comes down to the babes. And Neve Campbell and Denise Richards are true babes. Denise even shows some booty, and that's some good booty. Not that I really care about things like that.

Wild Things is a cute, teenage thriller. It'll make a decent amount of money, and Hollywood will make another sexy thriller. The cycle continues.

I'm giving Wild Things 3 1/3 Babylons. Fun and mildly inspired, it's still just a chance for Hollywood to get sexy. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Wild Things, I think I love you.

Oh, like I wasn't going to say that at least once.

Editor's Note:

Anyone watch the Oscars? Anyone notice that Mr. Self-Made didn't do his usual Guide to the Oscars this year? Anyone care?

For the historians out there, I will tell you that The Self-Made Critic did, again, handicap the Oscars, but no one bothered to send it out, which is probably for the best, because he was wrong on everything that wasn't named "Titanic."

I beat him, 19 to 15. I am now gloating.

And sharing his shame with you.

I really missed this job.

Wild Things
Rated: R
Directed By: John McNaughton
Starring: Neve Campbell, Kevin Bacon, Matt Dillon, Denise Richards and some bloody teeth.

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