The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features


Last Monday, President Clinton announced on national television that he had an "inappropriate relationship" with former White House Intern Monica Lewinsky. And while reaction to his televised mea culpa has been split along party lines, one fact has been agreed upon across the board.

It made for great TV ratings!

NBC, CBS, ABC and FOX each scored huge ratings for the time period with live coverage of the Presidential Gaffe. UPN and the WB Network didn't manage to cash in on the bonanza, as neither wanted to bump their respective urban family sit-coms featuring the latest hip hot comics.

In light of this incredible ratings coup, the White House has announced a series of upcoming public addresses in the hopes that if they catch on, they could get a series deal out of it.

Among the upcoming events:

Aug 27: First Lady Hillary Clinton will announce that she has been having an affair for the past three months with former NBA great Wilt Chamberlain.

Sept 2: Defense Secretary William Cohen will tearfully admit to a Viagra addiction which caused him to bomb France in a moment of manliness.

Sept 11: Attorney General Janet Reno will reveal that she is a Communist.

Sept 16: Secretary of Commerce William M. Daley will fondly remember his dead poodle, Froggy.

And in a Sweeps Week triumph, on Sept 23rd, Vice-President Al Gore will announce that he has, in fact, been legally dead for the past three years.

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