The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

First off, welcome back my dear old editor. You're the greatest, your the best, you rock the house like there's no tomorrow. Now to the review.

Some guy gets set up for a crime he didn't do, he goes to prison, he is being transfered to another prison, the mode of transportation that is taking him and a bunch of other prisoners to the new prison crashes, he is the only escapee, and he's hunted by Tommy Lee Jones until he can prove himself innocent.

I know Hollywood likes to remake its big hits, but usually they wait more than five years to do it.

Yup, you guessed it, this week's movie is U.S. Marshals, a remake of the 1993 Harrison Ford blockbuster, The Fugitive.

However, 1998 being a more Politically Correct world than 1993, they made Dr. Richard Kimble black (Wesley Snipes), changed his name, and gave him a new profession (Government Agent instead of Doctor).

But other than that, it's pretty much right on target with the original, which spells doom for this little movie. Sure Tommy Lee Jones won an oscar for this role last time around, but what was once seen as superior, sarcastic and quirky now makes him look like a total jerk.

There are spills and thrills, stunts o-plenty and fun one-liners. Enough fun to make me giggle with delight a number of times, to the constant irritation of my fellow movie-goers. It was especially groovy to see Robert Downey Jr. run around as a cop. Irony, thy name is Hollywood.

Now, if you've never seen The Fugitive, shame on you. Go out now, rent it and watch it. Go on, we'll wait.

If, however, you have seen The Fugitive, then there's no need to see this remake. They haven't added anything new, so save your money and buy a lollipop.

(Next three paragraphs cut because they're boring.)

I give U.S. Marshalls 3 1/4 Babylons. Worth the fun of an action-packed thrill ride, but for your true money's worth, rent the original.

Editor's Note:

I'm baaaaaack.

You know, I want to thank many of you who berated Mr. Self-Made into bringing me back on staff, and at a much more generous package than I'm used to. Now I get to do anything I darned well please, and there really ain't a single thing Mr. Critic can do about it.

Let's all sing along to the tune of "The Camp Town Lady," OK?

The Self-Made Critic is a Dork, Do-dah, Do-dah. The Self-Made Critic is a Dork, Oh-a-do-dah-day!

Life is good.

Just to make my day a better one, I've spelled a bunch of words wrong and used bad grammer. It's the little things.

It's good to be the King. (Can anyone name the movie that's from?)

U.S. Marshals
Rated: PG-13
Directed By: Stuart Baird
Starring: Tommy Lee Jones, Wesley Snipes, Robert Downey Jr. and your fond memories of The Fugitive.

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