The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features


I don't understand why anyone ever has an affair.

I mean as we've seen time and time again in movies and on television, somebody always gets really hurt. Sometimes, like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, someone even ends up dead. That can't be a good thing.

Think about it, when's the last time you saw a film about someone having an affair that ended happily for everyone? I mean when Kate Winslet had an affair with Leo DiCaprio behind the back of boyfriend Billy Zane in Titanic, an damn ship sank!

How can people say Hollywood has no family values? Year after year they spit out more stories depicting the horrors of infidelity. Kids, listen to Hollywood, stick with your wife or husband, or else!

The latest flick shouting the obvious to all the world is Unfaithful. Diane Lane has tired of Richard Gere and wanders into the arms of Olivier Martinez. Misery ensues.

The first question anyone has to ask about this film is, how on Earth could anyone ever tire of Richard Gere? I mean I know he's had some problems in real life, but this is a movie. In movies, he's just always so perfect. But the director takes care of this problem by making Gere a sensitive, understanding, family-minded husband who still holds a candle for his wife and is both romantic and passionate. Yeah, I'd run away from that, too.

In fact, that one issue is the largest problem with the movie. Why does she stray? He doesn't beat her. He doesn't ignore her. He doesn't belittle her. Her son is a charming little boy who loves his mother. She has a nice house, a nice life, nice things. You name it, it's nice.

But then a gust of wind blows her into the arms of Olivier Martinez and before you know it, clothes are off, bodies are pumping, sweat's flying, everybody's sinning.

The movie is pretty good. And then there's this twist. It's not a "Oh, Richard Gere is a space alien" twist, but it's a good twist. Unexpected. Amusing. Then the movie becomes really, really good.

Actually, to go back a second, Richard Gere turning out to be a space alien would be pretty darned cool, don't you think?

"Have an affair on me, will you? Well I'm gonna zap you with my ray gun!"

OK, maybe not.

Anyway, Unfaithful is a touching, human story. Your three leads all do a very good job. Richard Gere plays the putz with humility and agility. Olivier Martinez plays the slutty Frenchman with accent and attitude. Diane Lane takes her clothes off and she's hot and perky.

This is directed by Adrian Lyne, the man behind Fatal Attraction and Indecent Proposal. Not a man high on the list of people you'd like to date.

"Hi Adrian Honey. What are you working on?"

"A new film about a man who cheats on his wife and has her killed."

"That sounds nice."

In the end, Unfaithful does more to promote family values than anything Washington could come up. Keep the message simple. Don't have an affair, or your life will be ruined forever.

Remember that.

Unfaithful picks up 3 3/4 Babylons. Sexy, steamy, sensuous Babylons.

Editor's Note:

Hello? Star Wars review? Hello?

Rated: R
Directed By: Adrian Lyne
Starring: Richard Gere, Diane Lane, Olivier Martinez and other people who are more than likely coveting either Olivier Martinez, Richard Gere or Diane Lane. I mean let's face it, those three are three damn fine looking people.

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