The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

Toy Story 2

When I was 8, my dog, Oly, bit the head off of my Luke Skywalker figure. She would eventually eat many Star Wars toys, but Luke was the only one she ever beheaded. I was traumatized. But eventually I got over it. My Luke figure, however, remained headless, and spent the remainder of its life as the 'headless freak at the bottom of the box'.

Now, 20 years later, I'm suddenly feeling very guilty about the neglect of my action figure.

The film that has sparked my fond remembrances and brought on pangs of guilt is Toy Story 2. If you haven't seen it, shame on you. It will make you laugh, cry (well, maybe not cry) and feel all warm inside. Even if you're older than 10.

Not since Babe has a kids movie come along with so much to offer the parents who are so often forced to accompany their kids to these things. It will leave you feeling happy that they can still make a joyful movie that has heart. For every End of Days and Pokemon nonsense, we need one of these to remind us that Hollywood isn't necessarily evil.

Personally, I'm always amazed when I enjoy something rated G, because that means there was absolutely no naked skin involved, and no real violence to speak of either. Anyone who can entertain me without the use of sex or violence is a true genius.

It's hard to explain why I liked this movie so much. Describing the joy inherent in this film is best done through the eyes of a child.

"Yea! Wow! Neat-o! Hee-hee! Yippee!"

I hope that helps explain it. Seeing Toy Story 2 will make you feel young, happy, free, and very sexy.

But the over-riding feeling many of you will walk away with is guilt.

When was the last time you played with your toys? I mean the Barbie dolls, the Hot Wheels cars, the G.I. Joe figures, the Tonka Trucks. The TOYS. I used to have a whole box of them. And slowly, over time, the older ones drifted to the bottom of the box and were never heard from again. And they must have hated it! Thinking back, I can hear them. Sure, I often thought it was the sound of the wind between the panes of glass in my window, but I know now that it was really my toys crying! My toys were lonely, and I was ignoring them! They became cheap tokens for sale at a garage sale, or worse yet, tossed into a pile of garbage to be hauled to the dump. The Dump! Sentenced to an existence of death and destruction amid piles and piles of filth and rats! What a heartless, evil person I was!!!

Sigh. It's too late for me, I have committed atrocities to my toys and will, I'm sure, be punished with an afterlife of abject misery. Perhaps I shall be reincarnated as one of countless green army men with fire crackers taped to my back. Perhaps I shall be doomed to be a "hot toy for Christmas that was accidentally hidden behind the really lame Seaquest DSV action figure that no one ever buys so nobody ever saw me", and then sit idle on a store shelf for a year, neglected and unloved and finally thrown away. Or perhaps it shall be my fate to have my own head chomped off by a slobbering mutt. Let my story be a warning to others out there. Play with your toys. Take good care of them. Above all, love them. If Toy Story 2 has taught us anything, it has taught us that we must love our toys, before it's too late.

I'm giving Toy Story 2 4 3/4 Babylons. It's a great movie, but not quite perfect. It's too short. I went to the theater, sat through all the weird candy and popcorn commercials. Saw 5 regular previews, got a 5-minute advanced preview for a new Disney animated film called "Dinosaur" (which looks amazing), got the THX trailer, sat through Pixar's original short which explained to everyone about the hopping light fixture in their logo, and then watched Toy Story 2 and got back to my car in under 2 hours. That means TS2 is really short. And personally, when a movie is this good, I want more of it.

Editor's Note:

I didn't see this movie so I can't figure out whether to think that the SMC is really lame for liking it, or not. I think I'll go with "lame" anyway. It's my default.

Toy Story 2
Rated: G
Directed By: Ash Brannon and John Lasseter (why do animated films always have 2 directors?)
Starring: A Cowboy, A Spaceman, A Cowgirl, A Prospector, Mr. Potato Head, Slinky Dog, A Dinosaur, A Piggy Bank, An Evil Space Robot, and finally, Tour Guide Barbie.

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