The problem with miraculous occult oracles is that they're so pushy. "Beware the Ides of March." "Don't kill your father and sleep with your mother." "Ask again later." They make you feel stupid, plus they have no idea how inconvenient their prophesies can be.

That's why we've provided this, The Empowering Oracle. The Oracle that really cares about you. The only prophetic device guaranteed to see the future with your self-esteem in mind. Just ask it any question, and it will provide an answer that will make you feel good about you.