So the main thing The Phantom Menace taught us about the Force -- aside from the fact that it comes from tiny elves that live in our bodies -- is that any sort of Jedi training involves enduring constant platitudes from your master, possibly while performing calisthenics.
Well, we can't make you exercise, but at least we can fulfill the lecture portion of the curriculum. Below you'll find a form for requesting a Jedi education. Run it a few hundred times and you'll have all the knowledge of a Jedi without those nasty training-saber nicks. And, uh, do some jumping jacks or something.