Every year, the same problem effects each and every one of us, namely, the question of what to get everyone on our list for Christmas.

(Actually, anyone who doesn't actually celebrate Christmas probably doesn't go through this dilemma. But thanks to Birthdays, Anniversaries, and other assorted occasions, they can identify with the principle.)

Well fret not!

Simply fill out this jolly little form and allow our finely-honed skills to reveal the perfect gift for everyone on your list from your uncle to your boss's wife to your mailman.

Relation to Giftee:

Parent/Offspring/Sibling.
Distant relative.
Bosom buddy.
Workmate.
Fellow cog in the wheel of life.

Giftee's Age:

Just a stupid kid.
Young, hip and ready for life.
Has been 29 for a number of years.
Old enough to know better, young enough to get horny.
Just waiting for them to die.

Giftee's Favorite Color:

Red.
Blue.
Green.
Yellow.
Black.

How Often Do You See This Person:

Every day of my miserable life.
At work, when I'm not busy reading Dilbert.
Weekly appointments.
When they really need money.
I think I saw them at the mall last month.

How Much Influence does this Person have on your life:

They are my life, my breath, my everything.
They could get me fired.
Not much influence, but they're really deft at handing out guilt.
I may want to sleep with them one day.
How much influence does the mailman have in any of our lives?

What is their Political Ideology:

Down with Whitey!
Communism was just a good idea that wasn't done very well.
Politics? What, did someone blow Clinton again?
A balance of power is good for the country.
Jesus would want us all to have a gun.

What did they give you last year:

A kick-ass new computer with all the perks.
Some decent cookware.
A fuzzy sweater.
A stupid tie. Like I ever wear ties.
Something they knew I'd just give back to them.

Giftee's Favorite Ice Cream Flavor:

Vanilla.
Rocky Road.
Mint Chocolate Chip.
Anything from Ben & Jerry's.
Bubble Gum.