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The Brunching Shuttlecocks  * Features
 
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Bullish on Babylon
 
 

 


Preliminary Results: 30 January 1998

Our top two contestants, Gary Tsalalikhin and Joseph Antolick, managed to make a tidy profit from our nation's declining moral standards, thanks to the recent allegations against our randy Commander-In-Chief. Kathleen, meanwhile, apparently foresaw not only that, but the Pope's declining health which gave a boost to the "False Prophet" category. What's the connection? Don't ask me, ask Revelations.

The bottom of the list is held down by Tony Lanman, who apparently backed the wrong Horseman with his investments in, among other things, "Drug Abuse," "Anti-Christian," and "Liberalism," all of which went down. Darn Promise Keepers.

Overall the Rapture Index was two points closer to the Apocalypse, which means that anyone who made more than a 1.2% profit beat the index fund.

The contest is far from over, though. Good Friday isn't until April 10, so there's plenty of room for surprises. Next update will be in February, assuming the righteous haven't been taken bodily into Heaven.

EntrantOriginal ValuePresent ValuePercentage Change
Gary Tsalalikhin250300+20.00%
Joseph Antolick250300+20.00%
Kathleen285340+19.30%
Jeff Fowler310360+16.13%
Marianne250290+16.00%
Darleen Dove345400+15.94%
Bill Draper130150+15.38%
Molly Ball410470+14.63%
Robert Waterland350400+14.29%
Nathan Fritze440500+13.64%
Sheila Hancock300340+13.33%
Brian Gray115130+13.04%
cindy dawson390440+12.82%
Rachel McConville205230+12.20%
Jordan Sipes410460+12.20%
Bill Stiteler440490+11.36%
Sarah Bishop360400+11.11%
Jon Hantler300333+11.00%
alex brown280310+10.71%
Jennifer Lind380420+10.53%
Karina Gohde385425+10.39%
Brandon C. Rector290320+10.34%
Brenda284312+9.86%
Stephanie420460+9.52%
Joe Hammon330360+9.09%
Lars Ostrom330360+9.09%
Kurt vonRoeschlaub440480+9.09%
Steve Hackney340370+8.82%
Heather Imboden440475+7.95%
Derek Giromini380410+7.89%
justa bob210225+7.14%
Pete S430460+6.98%
Chris375400+6.67%
Ryans375400+6.67%
C. Weisel460490+6.52%
shioru470500+6.38%
K Bishop330350+6.06%
PJ Killian425450+5.88%
Jerry Ellis340360+5.88%
Marko Puhakka350370+5.71%
elliot cardon350370+5.71%
Andrew Everett350370+5.71%
Pat Shaw450475+5.56%
Fluffy360380+5.56%
Jenn Schell370390+5.41%
Dan Iwerks331348+5.14%
Raheem the Dream400420+5.00%
Brian Lavin400420+5.00%
J. D. Harriman400420+5.00%
Dan440460+4.55%
Marshall Campbell440460+4.55%
Steve Wright450470+4.44%
Sam Waas450470+4.44%
Alex Trzyna470490+4.26%
Ryan Fisher344358+4.07%
Christa380395+3.95%
Jason Abbott280290+3.57%
Cathy Mullican450465+3.33%
Eric McKinney465480+3.23%
Sean Griffith310320+3.23%
Jeannie Ben-Hain465480+3.23%
Peter J. Paul320330+3.12%
Sabrina330340+3.03%
Marah Dorris365375+2.74%
Garth370380+2.70%
taylor souter410420+2.44%
jen840860+2.38%
Melissa Crandall420430+2.38%
d.430440+2.33%
Daisie Huang430440+2.33%
Devil Child430440+2.33%
Adrianna Ahern450460+2.22%
Morgan Loomis230235+2.17%
Michael Bonasera472482+2.12%
butch480490+2.08%
Bryna Kirzner490500+2.04%
R. Hoffman870880+1.15%
mickie pearsall465470+1.08%
ERic Jubin301304+1.00%
andrew400400+0.00%
Kevin Sobiski110110+0.00%
Jeffrey Miller470470+0.00%
David Taylor470470+0.00%
David Stansbury100100+0.00%
Kathy Mayers500500+0.00%
Bob Mailer440440+0.00%
Ryan Anthony460460+0.00%
David Smith400400+0.00%
Josh Bell460460+0.00%
RiffRaff450450+0.00%
jessica260260+0.00%
Stephen Loniewski400400+0.00%
Traci260260+0.00%
Lorri Robinson430430+0.00%
Me600600+0.00%
Martin Brooks220220+0.00%
Jay Aldrich500500+0.00%
Jeffrey Fredrick500500+0.00%
Riten Jaiswal200200+0.00%
J. Pruett420420+0.00%
Kelly Amoth340340+0.00%
Giles Bowkett357357+0.00%
cHris carroll500500+0.00%
Mike Cascio500500+0.00%
Scott Wiggins355355+0.00%
John P. Yuda370370+0.00%
John Gustafson100100+0.00%
Johner Riehl323323+0.00%
Charles Schoening500500+0.00%
Beauty and the "Beast"100100+0.00%
Dale Seidenschwarz380380+0.00%
Mike Webster500500+0.00%
Stacy Charlesbois410410+0.00%
Nick Olson380380+0.00%
Sarah500500+0.00%
Benjamin Chen450450+0.00%
Adrian Inness450450+0.00%
Pat Gallagher500500+0.00%
Bill Svitavsky370370+0.00%
Dan Friend393389-1.02%
Barry Isralewitz385380-1.30%
jason375370-1.33%
Bryon Daly365360-1.37%
Forrest Black345340-1.45%
Chris Irby255250-1.96%
Gabe Handel475465-2.11%
Elizabeth Olson470460-2.13%
bill young455445-2.20%
Steve Cass455445-2.20%
J.T. Drucker450440-2.22%
Doug Simpson430420-2.33%
Jessica Pierce425415-2.35%
Jim Gregory420410-2.38%
MSB400390-2.50%
Rebecca Turner390380-2.56%
K.T. Wiegman370360-2.70%
Gary Geniesse370360-2.70%
Macdonald360350-2.78%
Roger Friedman330320-3.03%
Robert Durbin330320-3.03%
John Rowell330320-3.03%
diane330320-3.03%
Mike Schechter330320-3.03%
Eric Wagoner485470-3.09%
Raistlin S. Wakefield310300-3.23%
Kent Walker445430-3.37%
Kawika435420-3.45%
Kathleen Kolhoff435420-3.45%
carol franger417402-3.60%
Jason Kalivas410395-3.66%
Frank Rapp375360-4.00%
Romana Machado460440-4.35%
Ben Newman345330-4.35%
M.Bowerman450430-4.44%
RTOLAN450430-4.44%
Daniel Jensen440420-4.55%
Hunter Brooks440420-4.55%
Chris Grove210200-4.76%
Mike Berry420400-4.76%
Paul Pieper310295-4.84%
Ken Hamilton410390-4.88%
jake305290-4.92%
Duke Egbert400380-5.00%
Eli Ofenstein500475-5.00%
Sam Rubin400380-5.00%
Rich Ackerman500475-5.00%
chiari475450-5.26%
xian fiher180170-5.56%
Jeff Nathan350330-5.71%
Melissa230216-6.09%
Eric Rapp480450-6.25%
Jennifer Cohn320300-6.25%
david geismar470440-6.38%
NerdChild470440-6.38%
Chris Adams467437-6.42%
Jenny and Mary300280-6.67%
Anders295275-6.78%
Alex Corvino440410-6.82%
Underdog440410-6.82%
Ranjeet Rao435405-6.90%
Phil290270-6.90%
David Rupert420390-7.14%
Josh Thomson405375-7.41%
Sonya "damn heathen" Welter441408-7.48%
Melissa Meriwether130120-7.69%
Dillon Kraft440405-7.95%
Bitter250230-8.00%
Marshall240220-8.33%
Kip Repscher480440-8.33%
Elizabeth Russell460420-8.70%
D R Brown460420-8.70%
arcadium220200-9.09%
Patrick Myers385350-9.09%
Jonathan420380-9.52%
S. Weyer300270-10.00%
Mical Holcomb300270-10.00%
Robin Stubbings290260-10.34%
James Kelley290260-10.34%
Willim ACkerman285255-10.53%
Vera Koffman330295-10.61%
j470420-10.64%
Milos Babic310275-11.29%
Lisa Reeve420370-11.90%
Dave Yonteff330290-12.12%
Jimmy Campos370325-12.16%
Tom Bowersox240210-12.50%
Kirk Ormand360310-13.89%
Matt350300-14.29%
Craig Jackson315270-14.29%
Test350300-14.29%
mike mcloughlin340290-14.71%
Jeff Phaup340290-14.71%
eric hahn320270-15.62%
Tony Lanman270220-18.52%