The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

I used to want to be a secret agent.

It looked like the greatest job in the world. You run around the world, killing obvious bad guys and having tons of sex with total babes. Sign me up! Naturally my role model was and shall forever be James Bond.

But now he seems to have gone soft.

In his latest romp, Tomorrow Never Dies, he kills a lot of people, sure, but the sex quotient is way down. And the sex he does have is mainly with ex-girlfriends. SINCE WHEN DID JAMES BOND HAVE EX-GIRLFRIENDS? I mean once you've had Bond, aren't you supposed to wither away and die from too much pleasure? I know I would.

Still, it looks like a fun life, as he manages to kill just about everyone in the movie, some of them in very interesting ways. And while he may not have sex, he does hint about it a lot in conversation, and Lord knows I approve of good innuendo.

But hold the phone, there's a special ingredient in this film which makes it really kick ass.

Michelle Yeoh.

No, she's not a blonde bimbo who hangs on 007's every word. She doesn't strip down into a tight-fitting mini-skirt. She's another secret agent, and she's smarter than Bond. She's also much cuter than Bond, but that may just be my opinion.

Pierce Brosnan takes another go-round as Bond, and to be honest, I like him. I've always liked him, I've always felt he should be Bond, I love him as Bond. Michelle Yeoh should run for president as far I'm concerned. Jonathan Pryce is a sick and twisted media baron/evil dude. And Teri Hatcher isn't in much of the movie, which is a good thing. I know she's the darling of the internet, and thousands of my readers (Yes, I have thousands of readers) have her as their screen saver, but the poor thing just can't act. Never could. She's pretty, let's leave it at that and get on with the killing.

The story? Uhm... I dunno. Bond thwarts world terror. Something like that. The media plays a part. They go to China. There's a boat bit.

You ever notice how each and every James Bond film has either a snow scene or an underwater scene? Just curious.

So anyway, when all is said and done, and the smoke clears, Tomorrow Never Dies gets 3 1/2 Babylons. An average Bond film. Worth seeing if you love Bond, not worth seeing if you think violence is just plain wrong.

Editor's Note:

So Self-Made doesn't think Tomorrow Never Dies is the best Bond. What do you think? What's your favorite Bond film? Drop us a line and let us know, if we get enough responses, we'll tell you what y'all voted on.

Tomorrow Never Dies
Rated: PG-13
Directed By: Roger Spottiswoode.
Starring: Pierce Brosnan, Michelle Yeoh, Jonathan Pryce, Teri Hatcher and Q.

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