by Colette Zelwer

Hunky particle physicist Dr. Leo Belinski isn't just another babe who can fill out a lab coat! Having published five major papers in as many years has left him sitting pretty in his massive Southern California underground laboratory. "It's nothing anyone with four degrees hasn't done." humbly states sexy, 48 year old Dr. Leo. While he isn't hard at work kicking down knowledge to his homies at the university he enjoys going to the beach. "I love to watch the awesome majesty of nature as it brings waves crashing down on the shore in an intricate dance chaos theorists have yet to fully comprehend." Dr. Belinski is a Taurus and says that his dream date would be "mousy".

We caught up with Professor Phillip Christianson last week in his exclusive research complex in New York city. The dashing professor hasn't missed a beat since losing out on the Nobel Prize to rival scientist Dr. Ghraml. Said Christianson, "Dr. Ghraml and I have been good colleagues for the last three decades, I have the utmost respect for the man." The professor plans to keep working on his project until his grant money runs out. Professor Christenson is currently dating fellow scientist Dr. Lowe. Any steamy details? Professor Christianson told our reporter this, "Maria and I both enjoy reading botanical journals of the last century."

And guess who's staging a comeback? That dreamboat William Valov, Poet Laureate runner up, 1972. The poet keeps his imagery sharp by short hikes, meditating upon an urn, and other "extreme sports." With his first volume of verse scheduled to come back into print early next year Valov has high hopes: "I really hope, like, people don't think it's all, like, lame."