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Sim Games for the Successful

Games like SimCity, The Sims, Civilization II, or Age of Empires allow you to manage a family, a city or an entire civilization. But what if you already run the world? If you're a lawyer, gangster, Illuminatus, Freemason, or whatever, you just don't need that sort of success fantasy. After a hard day's exercising powers beyond the lot of mortal men, you want to come home to failure fantasies such as these:


It's a dysfunctional haze of spare-changing, Thunderbird, and sleeping in your own vomit...or, in the networked version, other people's vomit! Get the Gold edition and create your own addiction. The graphics of the AA meetings are frighteningly realistic.

Ritalin Highway

A role-playing game where you play a child with ADD or any of six other developmental disabilities. Trade symptoms and vie for parental attention with other players! For more challenge, buy the add-ons: Enrichment Camp, Long Car Trip, or Freudian Child Psychologist!

Sid Meier's Project Manager

Shepherd projects from confused sales proposals, to buggy, underfeatured betas, to technical support nightmares. Coax code out of slackers who know more about the technology than you ever will. Negotiate deadlines with executives, if you can find them. (Hint: check the washroom!) Time, money, or features; you can have two--maybe. And for extra points, surf the web for porn and wack websites!

Ritalin Highway II: Destination Prozac

You manage a complete neurochemical and affective condition, from initial childhood trauma, through a stormy adolescence with uncaring parents, and on to a life of therapy. Can you get through your thirties, and accumulate enough HMO coverage to pay for the really good meds? Probably not!

Commuter: The Commute

You've got two hours on the jam-packed freeway, and you need to fill time. Sip your coffee, read the paper, rubberneck, argue with the on-air "personalities." Defend the three inches of space in front of your car by any means necessary! Hunt for alternate routes. (Hint: they're all full!) And when think you're ready, just try to get through Commuter: The Commute II: Carpooler: The Carpool!

Third Party

Lead the minor politcal party of your choice--Pacifist Party, Legalize Marijuana Party, All-One-God-One-Faith Party, Buying the Presidency Party--into November futility! Set up on-line polls, campaign appearances in your wife's manicurist's basement, and other trappings of self-delusion! But watch out for your rivals, who are gunning for that all-important number three spot as well!

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