The Following Review has been Edited for Content. Thank you for watching FOX.

Okay, now I'm confused.

Let's see, the black goo is actually #### ### ##### ###### that originally came from ##### #### ########### ### and now has become ### ###### which is why the Syndicate, led by ###### ####### ###### ###### is trying to ######## ##### the #### ##### #### ### ########### ###### with the #### ############ ##### without #### # ###### ######. Meanwhile, Mulder and Scully, having ### ######### ### the ###### #### ###### show up in Dallas while ### ####### ##### and then ##### ######## because they are actually ## #### with #### ##### but can't admit #### ##### or #### ########### will ###### ###### ###### so Cancer Man ### ###### # ###### and #### ######## with the Well-Manicured Man who ########### #### with ######## #########.

Still with me?

If you have no idea who or what I'm talking about, this review may not be for you. For the rest of you, I am, of course, talking about The X-Files Movie RELEASED BY FOX, alternately called The X-Files: Fight the Future, The X- Files, ##### ####### #######, Carter's Last Stand and Conspiracy Central.

Actually, I think Conspiracy Central would be a great name for a television network. Like Comedy Central except with shows like "Who are we watching today?" "Win Janet Reno's Affidavits" and "The Kennedy Assassination Part 17: The Grassy Knoll's Mother-in-Law."

Anyway, I am here to debunk The X-Files Feature FROM FOX. What makes it tick? What is it trying to say? Why is it so good? And what on God's Earth does #### ###### ######## ######## ##### mean?

Make no mistakes, I am a fan of this show X-FILES ON FOX SUNDAYS AT 9PM and have been looking forward to this movie THE X-FILES for a while. However, knowing that this may bias my view, I brought along a non-fan, Harold Beeks (A CONVICTED PSYCHOPATH) from accounting. My review will tell you what this movie is like for the rabid, drooling fanatic. Harold's will let you know what it's like for the average Joe WHO HAS NO IDEA OF WHAT MAKES FOR GOOD TELEVISION who has never witnessed the glory of the Mulder/Scully phenomenon.

First, the story. Picking up where the 5th season left off, Mulder and Scully ##### ###### ###### ## ########## ######. Meanwhile, in ##### ##### ###########, a group of #### ########## discover ### ########## #####. Sure enough, #### ######### Skinner ##### ###### ## ######### and they #### ### ### ######## ### for ######. And as if that's not enough, #### #### with ###### and an ### #### ### which leads #### ####### to ######### #########.

And that's just in the first 20 minutes!

Folks, this movie picked it up and took it for a ride. As a huge fan, I was completely satisfied. So was Harold, although he was a bit confused at times BECAUSE HE IS VERY DUMB. But the thing about the movie is that you really didn't have to be a huge fan to get it. Harold THE IDIOT knew what was going on, and he doesn't even know how to spell Duchovny. (Editor's Note: Neither did The Critic, but I fixed it.)

The chemistry between Mulder and Scully, THE TWO STARS OF FOX'S SMASH HIT THE X-FILES, has always been the backbone of the show, and it holds up well on the big screen. Aliens and conspiracies aside, any sexy couple who obviously want each other but never manage to get into bed will bring on huge ratings. The only real difference between the X-Files' Mulder and Scully (FROM FOX'S HIT SHOW, SUNDAYS AT 9PM) and Cheers' Sam and Diane is that Mulder and Scully have got all these abductions and monsters to deal with, whereas Sam and Diane only had Woody.

So do they make it? Do they get together? Well, actually, ### #### ####### and ### ###### when suddenly ### ##### #### but ### ###### ##### with a #### ######## ######. And that's what I call a sticky situation!

Even Harold had to admit that he was touched by #### ###### ##### ####. He's a softie a heart, having ### ###### ######## a few years back, and so the ## ####### ####### managed to ##### ########### #### ### ###### his ### #####.

What makes this film different from other summer fare such as Godzilla (besides the fact that it's not a horrible, stomach-wrenching experience) is that it is Intelligent. It assumes that the audience has a brain, and can use it. I say "Bully for Them!" We could use more films like this.

But what I really want to know is who came up with ### #######? I mean I know ### ### can #### ##### in ####. But a #######? Wow, now I guess I'll have to watch next season ON FOX, SUNDAYS AT 9PM just to find out!

Harold of course was left wondering about a few things. BUT HE SWORE AS GOD AS HIS WITNESS THAT HE WAS NOW GOING TO WATCH THE X-FILES, SUNDAYS AT 9PM. But confusion about ### ###### really isn't the point. The movie is fun. It really, really is. It zigs, it zags, it weaves. Gillian is every geek's dream woman (as if she'd talk to any of us, I mean really) and David's a Greek God. BOTH CAN BE SEEN NEXT SEASON ON THE CULT PHENOMENON, THE X-FILES, SUNDAYS AT 9PM ON FOX.

When all the chips are down, Harold liked the movie and I loved it. I'm giving it 4 1/2 Babylons. But if you're not a regular viewer THEN YOU NEED TO START WATCHING EVERY WEEK then you might want to take off 1 Babylon to give the film a rating of 3 1/2.

The Truth is out there, up on the screen, and kicking ass!

Editor's Note:

##### ###### ###### ### the ###### ###### ####### #### ###### #####. ### #### ##### #### ### ####### #### #######, Self-Made Critic ### #### ##### is ##### # ### a ### ### #### #### ########## ## ##### ###### ####### jerk.

The X-files: Fight the Future
Rated: PG-13
Directed By: Rob Bowman
Starring: David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Martin Landau, Mitch Pileggi, William B. Davis, John Neville, #### ######, #### #########, and ##### ###### as The Beaver.