Going to win some awards now, aren't we deary?

OK. Here's what I want. Gimmie an emotional story with lots of crying women, and some terrible, age-old secrets. Give everybody an English accent, and turn most of them into total losers. Perfect!

So yeah, I saw Secrets & Lies, nominated for 5 Academy Awards including Best Picture, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, Best Director and Best Screenplay. Actually, that's all of them, so I didn't need to say "including" did I? Oh well.

This is an independent film, which means it had a budget the size of my little brother's weekly allowance. At least it would if I had a little brother. I don't. I did once, but I ate him. It's a cruel life.

So this is a British flick, which means everyone talks funny and instead of getting hungry, they get peckish. But don't be frightened, they don't mention America or how resentful they must be about the whole independence thing.

The story is as follows, woman searches for her birth mother, and finds her. Hilarity ensues. Well no, it's not that funny, it's actually quite dramatic, I just like that phrase. Thing is, the woman is black, and her birth mother is white. And hilarity ensues. Oh, and no one knows about the woman in the birth mother's family, and it'd be a huge shock and what not if they ever found out. And hilarity ensues.

Is it a good movie? Oh yeah, quite good. Also quite long. I mean these guys can go on and on sometimes. The performances are great. Whatever the woman's name is who is the birth mother is fantastic, having a nervous breakdown and menopause all at the same time. The black woman who is the adopted woman is also great. I mean, who knew they had black people in England? Except for Tina Turner, of course. The birth mother has another daughter, who is also wonderfully portrayed, and there's a brother and his wife who do some great acting. All around, just a great job.

The script, which is nominated for an academy award, is top notch, even if much of it was improvised, which is what they say about this director's films. Although there was one scene, that was very dramatic, and very poignant, and had nothing at all to do with the story. And since it was already a long movie, I think they could have cut out this one fifteen minute scene, eh?

Obviously I wasn't as much in love with this movie as most people, and especially the critics. I mean there's not much nudity to speak of, and nobody shoots anybody with an AK-47. But it's what they say more movies should be like, well scripted, well acted, incredible story, and an all around engaging movie. I just wished they'd showed some serious booty. I mean art films are supposed to show booty, right?

Of course right.

So I give Secrets & Lies 3 1/5 Babylons. Plus 1 Art Film Babylon, if you're into that sort of thing. A strong, critically acclaimed flick, but light on mega explosions.

Editor's Note:

4 down, one to go. You know, I think we're gonna hit pay dirt this year with the Oscar Contenders. We should have our Oscar Spectacular Episode soon, so watch your mailboxes for what is sure to be a religious experience.

Get your incense ready.