I love a movie that teaches.

Hollywood, so long accused of churning out drivel for mere profit, has finally attempted to make amends to society by releasing educational films that enrich our lives with important lessons.

Such as:

1) When you videotape yourself having sex with someone other than your girlfriend, label the tape clearly.
2) Don't annoy the nurse at the sperm bank.
3) Don't wear a white hood to an African-American college fraternity.
4) Don't smoke weed after retirement.
5) Don't put the mouse in your mouth.

This marvelous example of Hollywood edu-tainment? Road Trip.

Road Trip stars Tom Green and tells the story of four boys, none of who are Tom Green, who drive from New York to Texas to intercept an ill-mailed video tape. Along the way, they run into all sorts of wacky people, none of whom are Tom Green. Oh sure the adventures are outlandish, but by the end of the film, they've all taken an inner journey. One kid must deal with his father, who is not Tom Green, another must deal with a mischievous teacher's assistant, who is not Tom Green, while another finds a new love in his life, and it is not a love for Tom Green.

This movie is a series of funny moments. There is the funny moment at the sperm bank, which does not involve Tom Green. There is the funny moment at the roadside motel with the funny motel clerk, who is not Tom Green. There's the funny moment with the blind girl that doesn't involve Tom Green. There is the very funny moment in Boston, which does not involve Tom Green.

And there's the snake and the mouse and Tom Green. The snake is not Tom Green's. The mouse is not Tom Green's. The mouth into which the mouse goes IS Tom Green's.

It's a funny mouth. And it is used to great effect, causing much laughter. The mouth of Tom Green is like an enriching, yet dangerous chemical. Taken in small doses it can ease your pain, control your bladder or save your life, while, in large doses, it can kill.

This movie doles out Tom Green's mouth in small, easily digestible doses. And we are all better for that.

Basically, this movie takes every single "Did ya hear the one aboutâ" tale from college and combines them into one film. Which is really what films tend to do anyway, right? I mean you'd never see a major uprising against an evil empire AND long lost twins reuniting AND the death of an 800-year old Muppet at the same time, yet Return of the Jedi shoves it all into one movie. (Hope I haven't ruined the movie for anyone by telling you that Yoda dies.) Likewise no one could ever possibly go through all the misadventures that these boys, who are not Tom Green, go through on their way from New York to Texas without ending up dirty and naked on the floor muttering forgotten Culture Club lyrics.

Road Trip is a brave movie. Road Trip is a raunchy movie. Road Trip is a funny movie. But more than anything, it is a movie with a message; videotaping yourself having sex can be fun, as long as it's done sensibly.

I'm giving Road Trip 3 5/6 Babylons. Go on, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll realize your college days were dull and uneventful.

Editor's Note:

I had a couple of cocktails earlier today. The SMC sucks. And all you people who think that the SMC is a great critic suck. The SMC's mother sucks for having him.

Road Trip
Rated: R
Directed By: Todd Phillips
Starring: Breckin Meyer, Seann William Scott, Paulo Costnazo, DJ Qualls, Amy Smart, Rachel Blanchard and the mouse-swallower formally known as Tom Green.