If I ran for president, would you vote for me?

I mean, I've got all the tools ya need to be a great leader. I'm smart. I'm cute. I like McDonald's. I think I'm really, the ultimate candidate!

It'd be great to run for President, I think. At least it looks like a lot of fun in the John Travolta-Emma Thompson flick, Primary Colors.

John's got it made! He gets to eat lots of snack foods, have noble ideas and do all sorts of babes.

For those not in the know, Primary Colors is based on the book of the same name which was penned by "Anonymous." Supposedly, the book is the true-ish story of Bill Clinton's 1992 Presidential Campaign. Bill denies it. Though I don't know why, he comes off looking like a capable leader. A morally-challenged cretin who will sleep with nearly anything that moves, but a capable leader.

Personally, I figure, if you're the leader of the free world, you should be allowed, even encouraged, to sleep around. I mean why bother with the pretense? Let's give the man a harem! Back in olden days, all the kings had harems. Why shouldn't we continue this time-honored tradition? I can see it now.

Well, that's my two cents.

As for the movie, well heck, it's a lot of fun. We follow this African-American aide as he tries to cover-up each and every thing Governor Stanton (Travolta) does. It is fascinating to watch the sleaze overtake everything in what seems to be a worthy campaign. I mean this Stanton guy has good ideas, and he really cares about the people, but he can't quite keep his ding-a-ling locked away, so the issues don't always make it to the sound byte.

If you love politics, as I do, you'll love this. Whether or not this is a true story, it is a cool look inside a political campaign. And while it deals with a man who loves to love, it is surprisingly clean. This is an intelligent, thought-provoking and fun flick with Emma Thompson, who we all know is a babe, but mainly because of her accent.

Actually, her accent is the her biggest problem in this film. See, she's supposed to be from the US, not England. And while the accent is well hidden, it is not completely gone.

Aside from Emma and John-boy, kudos go out to Billy Bob Thornton, Kathy Bates and Larry Hagman. Especially Larry, whose character has some interesting stories to tell. Makes you think twice about J.R.

I give Primary Colors 3 4/5 Babylons. Good job all around. Go see it, then go vote for me. If elected, I promise to try to sleep with as many women as Travolta does in the film.

Editor's Note:

So after going off on how he needs to review more movies, and after all your letters which (marvelously) lambasted him for falling down on the job, Mr. Critic doesn't see a darned thing this week and reviews an older flick. True it's still in the theaters and all that, but it's still a slimy move, don't you think?

Personally, I expected him to go see Species 2, which has a naked Natasha Henstridge, and we all know how much he likes that. But wonders never cease.

Oh yeah, don't vote for him. Unless you're voting for "Most Likely to Sleep With a Nun."

Primary Colors
Rated: R
Directed By: Mike Nichols
Starring: John Travolta, Emma Thompson, Billy Bob Thornton, Kathy Bates, Adrian Lester, Muara Tierney, Larry Hagman, Diane Ladd and the specter of Monica Lewinsky.