God I love summer.

It's not the sun, it's not the beach, it's not anything even vaguely athletic.

It's the movies.

All year, we've sat through weep-fests like Life is Beautiful and At First Sight, artsy junk like Shakespeare in Love and Elizabeth and anything starring Meryl Streep. Then they release the real movies. Movies with action, explosions, blood, monsters and a special effect budget the size of a small country's GNP. Cool stuff like that. Instead of going home talking about character development, you can go home and discuss the effect of a bug crawling under someone's skin.

Well summer's here, and its name is The Mummy.

The story of The Mummy is.... aw shucks, who really cares? Brendan Fraser saves the world (and more importantly a cute babe) from a cgi mummy.

The effects are cool. Really cool. The Mummy has a lot of funky powers. The world is his plaything. Sands rise, the dead come to life, bugs eat people. It's good stuff.

Mind you, there are some holes. But this is a summer blockbuster, it's supposed to have holes. If they make a big deal about the 10 Plagues of Egypt, but only get around to 5 or 6, fine. No problem. Although I for one would have dearly loved to see the Plague of Frogs.

"Brendan! Behind you!"

"What?"

"Bud."

"Oh my God!!!!"

"Weis."

"It's the Plague of the Budweiser Frogs!!!"

"Er!"

We're talking big-time product placement baby!

Also, I don't know about you, and I'm not going to tell you why in case you haven't seen the movie, but I'm never going anywhere near Egypt without at least two kitties tucked in my jacket.

OK. A word to the wise. This is a PG-13 movie. But it's jumpy. It's not really scary, and it's certainly not gory. But it IS jumpy. I mean "Don't look behind you, there's a flesh-eating mummy stalking you" scary. You know the kind. It's really quiet, the character is walking into the really dark cavern without a care in the world, when suddenly a hand comes out from nowhere and grabs him! Boo!

So is it worth your time? If you really, really loved Sophie's Choice, probably not. If you totally dug Deep Rising, then yeah. This is your baby. They say Sophie's Choice is a better movie, but I ask you, which is more likely to end up on the side of a jumbo Pepsi at Taco Bell?

So let's look at what we got here. Great effects. Semi-witty one-liners. No characters, plot, major themes or anything else remotely worthwhile to get in the way of a desert romp. And yes, Mr. Fraser takes his shirt off a couple of times.

I'm gonna give The Mummy 3 5/6 Babylons. Mindless fun for the whole mindless family.

Editor's Note:

Jumpy schmumpy. The SMC is such a chicken. No wonder he can't find a girlfriend. But I did throw the SMC extra fish for referencing beer in his review.

The Mummy
Rated: PG-13
Directed By: Stephen Sommers
Starring: Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo and a whole bunch of dead people.