When you come right down to it, that kid's a brat.

I went to see Father's Day, my trust fully planted in the comic talents of Robin Williams and Billy Crystal to make me laugh. This was going to be a funny movie, starring two of my favorite comedians.

And then reality set in.

Truth is, Billy and Robin are very funny, when they get to have fun. But the darned plot keeps getting in their way. Basically, Billy and Robin both boinked Natasha Kinski (not bad, boys) seventeen years ago and when Natasha's son runs away, she tells them he could be theirs and they race off to find him. Mayhem supposedly ensues.

I don't know why they even bother, the kid's a total schmuck.

It's a road movie. Here's Billy and Robin in San Francisco. Here's Billy and Robin in Sacramento. Here's Billy and Robin in Los Vegas. Are we having fun yet?

As you might guess, Billy plays the straight man to Robin's wildness, but not enough for my tastes. Let's really let Robin go, let's watch Billy try to slam him back to reality. Instead, Robin plays this wimpy, unlikeable character, and Billy is the hard-nosed, calm equally unlikeable character. Yeah, this is fun.

Bruce Greenwood, best known as... well... as Bruce Greenwood, (You may remember him from UPN's mega-hit series Nowhere Man) makes a rather funny, yet completely unnecessary appearance as Natasha's husband, another man who thinks he's the father, and has thought so for seventeen years. He goes off to follow Billy and Robin, but since he never quite makes it, it's really just time spent away from Robin and Billy. No offense, but I'm not seeing this movie to watch Bruce Greenwood. His bit was funny, let Robin or Billy do it.

Julia-Louise Dreyfuss-Steinbrenner-Schwartz shows up to steal even more time away from Robin and Billy, and to be about as unfunny as you can be. I mean come on, she plays the straight man to Billy's straight man. Uhm....ok.

The script is a remake of a French film, except without the much-needed French nudity. Hey Hollywood, if you're going to remake a foreign film, leave the nudity in there! For Pete's Sake, as well as my own, that's best part about foreign films, tons of naked women!

Oh Mel Gibson makes a one-minute non-credited cameo which comes out of nowhere, has nothing to do with the story, and is still kinda funny. It's just neat to see Mel like that. I wonder if it hurt?

Overall, save your money. Robin and Billy are both very funny men, and I hope they do another movie together, just a bit more amusing. If you have to see them, rent one of their funny movies like City Slickers or Mrs. Doubtfire. If you have to see them together, rent the Best of Comic Relief.

Father's Day is one holiday not worth celebrating.

I give the film 2 1/4 Babylons. It probably deserved less, but Robin has some very wacky moments, which he seems to have just done on his own with no help from the script or director or anything.

The man's a genius.

Editor's Note:

The Self-Made Critic would like to apologize to everyone, as an historic occasion has come to pass:

We did not print a Self-Made review.

Mr. S-M Critic would like you to know that he saw Grosse Pointe Blank, that he wrote a hilarious review, and that we, the lowly non-union laborers screwed up and forgot to print it.

He'd like you to think that.

He'd also like to think we don't go through his mail.

Truth is, he saw the movie, but never bothered to do a review because he was too busy learning the Macarena. He's always been a slave to the latest trend.

If you see him making a fool out of himself, don't tell him that the fad is over, it would only hurt his feelings.

Oh and for the record, give Grosse Pointe Blank 4 Babylons, straight up. It was a darn good movie, you should see it.

FATHER'S DAY
Rated: PG-13
Directed By: Ivan Reitman
Starring: Robin Williams, Billy Crystal, and who the heck cares about anyone else?