The opening credits of Double Jeopardy are pretty cool. The words come up onto the screen and then divide, so it looks like you're seeing double. Get it? Double credits for Double Jeopardy?
Pretty cool.
Yup.
There's an old saying that says if the review opens with talk about the credits, it's not a very good movie.
There ya go.
So, OK, I didn't bother seeing Double Jeopardy right away because I thought it looked horrible. And it opened number one, which I figured was nothing spectacular, it'd drop like a stone the second week. But it stayed number one for almost a month so I thought, heck, it must be good, I'd better go see it.
Nope. Horrible.
The story of Double Jeopardy, if you care, is that Ashley Judd is framed for her husband's murder, goes to prison, finds out her husband isn't dead, vows revenge, gets out of prison and hunts him down to find her son. All that, you get from the trailer or TV commercial.
And that's the entire story.
I'd hoped going in that there would be more. Maybe after she finds her husband they start a Sumo-wrestling team or something. Or maybe her son turns out to be Satan. I don't know, a plague of locusts. Anything.
But no. Once again, a movie trailer has given absolutely everything away. Everything! There's a bit in the trailer from the final scene in the movie! There is, literally, no need to see the movie, once you've seen the trailer. I hate this. I'm angry.
Why couldn't they have saved something for the movie? How about this? "She was framed for her husband's murder. Now her son's disappeared and she's out of prison in a race to find him!" Exciting. Intriguing. And leaves a very crucial plot twist (husband alive) in the dark.
People, we don't need to stand for this trailer madness! Write your Congressman or Congresswoman today! You can even cut and paste the following letter:
Dear Honored and Hopefully Non-Corrupted Congressperson,
Please make the movie industry stop giving away the entire movie in the trailer.
I hate that.
Sincerely,
Your Name
Together we can make a change.
Anyway, about the movie itself. It's pretty lame. Even if you hadn't seen the trailer, it's about as surprising as a football-shaped Christmas present. Ashley Judd is pretty good, and so is Tommy Lee Jones, but they're wasted in this really lame script. Really, really lame. Ashley chases down her husband by making leaps of faith larger than the hole that must be in the head of the screenwriter. The characters she encounters are plastic and clip-art bland.
To be fair, there are a couple of almost-exciting moments. The coffin scene is kinda creepy, and the sinking car bit, while done better in countless movies, is still amusing.
But at the end, you're left wondering why you saw this movie, and indeed, what movie you saw. E-Trade commercials stay with you longer. This is kind of cookie-cutter movie that Hollywood spits out and everyone wishes they'd try to do something better. But it's about to make 100 million, so Hollywood has no plans of ever making a better movie. Why bother? Just churn out Double Jeopardy 2: Triple Jeopardy.
Double Jeopardy gets 1 4/5 Babylons. Bad as it is, it isn't going to actively suck your soul out of your eyeballs. Other movies have been known to do that. Godzilla, for example.
Huh. The SMC obviously didn't know that Double Jeopardy was a remake of an older film in the style of which we often still describe as "classic film", where we actually forgive questionable loose ends in the plot in favor of a charming and engaging less-then-3-explosions-per-act story. Far be it from me to insert a little perspective into the SMC's analysis of current movies.
Double Jeopardy
Rated: R
Directed By: Bruce Beresford
Starring: Ashley Judd, Ashley Judd, Tommy Lee Jones, Tommy Lee Jones,
Bruce Greenwood, Bruce Greenwood and Vasily Kandinsky.