Man, I'm glad I'm not a slave.

I mean it really sucked! First of all, you weren't free. Now that sucks right off. Secondly, you didn't really own anything, and that also has to suck. But worst of all, you had to deal with slave owners, and from what I can tell, they were a really rotten lot. At least the ones Hollywood portrays. I mean there might have been nice ones, but then there wouldn't be as much conflict so it never gets to screen. It remains the untold story.

Anyway, slavery sucks, you heard it here first.

Why am I all slave-conscious? Well I saw Amistad, a movie about a bunch of African slaves who get the shaft. Actually, they're not supposed to be slaves, and that's part of why they get such the raw shaft. I mean how would you like it if someone came to your home, tied you up, stripped you naked, tossed you on a boat and beat you into submission?

Actually, aside from the beating thing, that sounds kinda neat -- as long as she was cute. But I digress.

You'd be pissing mad, wouldn't you! And so are these folk. 'Cept they end up in America and they don't speak English, so no one really cares.

Luckily for them, they get, Matthew McConaughey, that hot-shot hunk of a lawyer from "A Time To Kill," to represent them. Matty, sporting a beard and fresh from his success against a racist south, is totally set to take on a racist north. He enlists the help of Morgan Freeman and Anthony Hopkins, and they try to set these dudes free.

The really cool thing about this movie is that the Africans, who aren't supposed to know English, don't speak it. At all. They speak their language, and sometimes it gets translated, sometimes it gets subtitled, and sometimes you just guess at what they're saying. They are led by a new guy named Djimon Hounsou who is absolutely captivating. I mean wow! He was god.

Of course without a translator, I'm not convinced he didn't spend the entire movie talking about The Celtics or the latest Green Day album. I guess we'll just have to take it all on faith.

Oh, did I mention who directed this flick? Steven Spielberg. Yeah, him. Remember? He did Jurassic Park and ET and Close Encounters and Indiana Jones and Schindler's List and Hook and Jaws and The Color Purple?

He directed this one too.

Not bad, but he's done better.

Well, as a history lesson, this flick, which is based on a true story, is an interesting and educational glimpse into America's past. As a movie, it's kinda long.

I give Amistad 3 Babylons. No more, no less. I mean it ain't Titanic, but then, it ain't no Speed 2 either.

Editor's Note:

Odd how he seems so against slavery and yet he has me here proofing his darn reviews at 3 in the friggin' morning!

And I still have to get his shoes polished!

Amistad
Rated: R
Directed By: Steven Spielberg
Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Morgan Freeman, Anthony Hopkins, Djimon Hounsou, Nigel Hawthorne, David Paymer, Pete Postlethwaite, Anna Paquin and A Partridge in a Pear Tree.