The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

Did you see Scream last year? Great movie. I mean great movie. Clever, intelligent, witty. If you managed to miss it, don't worry, the studio isn't hurting for your admission -- the little $20 million flick topped $100 million in domestic sales alone. So this time, they went all out and spent $25 million on the sequel, Scream 2.

They got that back in a day and a half.

Normally, I don't go see scary movies, or sequels. But I saw this one. Why? Because the first movie was absolutely incredible, and this one got some pretty good reviews itself.

And I didn't want to be called chicken.

Fans of Scream take note: I am not going to give away the ending by telling you that everyone dies and the killer is Erik Estrada. Folks who are not fans of Scream take note, everyone dies and the killer is Erik Estrada. (Oh, like they're gonna see the movie anyway!)

In a nutshell, here's Scream 2. It is two years later and everyone who survived the first movie is at college together. The events of the first movie have been made into a movie called Stab. The first scene of Scream 2 is at the premiere of Stab.

With me so far?

Eventually, someone's killing people wearing that goofy mask and everyone's a suspect. I mean everyone. Student, teacher, grandmother, dog, everyone.

OK, so it's a good movie, not quite as good as the first, but then the first was great. This is, however, a very good movie.

But let's talk Scream 3. It's being written, Kevin Williamson has stated that he envisioned this as a trilogy of movies, it's going to happen.

Here's what I think they need to really take it over the top.

First, someone needs to die in a thresher. This is a no-brainer, really, I mean what movie isn't heightened with the use of a thresher? It is the very lack of a thresher scene which kept Gone With the Wind from ever really taking off with today's audience.

Second, enough of this casting young, pretty TV starlets (Neve Campbell from Party of Five, Courtney Cox from Friends, Sarah Jessica Gellar from Buffy the Vampire Slayer), go for broke and cast some tv stars from the seventies. Farrah Fawcett running screaming from Dick Van Patten while John Ritter trips over himself in the background is sure to bring the crowds in screaming.

Pardon my pun.

Third, and this is perhaps the most important: playmates, playmates, playmates! What's a thriller without babes? And what better babes on this earth than Playboy Playmates? Basically, I'm just pulling for a chance to catch 1992 Playboy Playmate of the Year Lisa Matthews on a really big screen.

There ya go. These recommedations and the addition of Renee O'Connor (Gabrielle on Xena: Warrior Princess), will ensure that Scream 3 will open to something a bit higher than last weekend's paltry $39.2 million. I mean come on folks, there are at least three or four movies in history that have opened bigger than this one! You're slipping!

Scream 2 gets 3 3/4 Babylons.


Editor's Note:

Erik Estrada has nothing at all to do with any of the Scream movies.

Just wanted to head that baby off at the pass.

Rated: R
Directed by: Wes Craven
Starring: Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, Jerry O'Connell, David Arquette, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and a bunch of bloody, mutilated corpses.

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