Aquaman
Let's face it, Aquaman basically got suck for powers. His major shtick
was the whole concentric-ring-exuding fish-control thing which allowed him to
draft underwater lifeforms into his own personal war, which of course required
the writers of the show to work a major marine disaster into every ensemble
piece. This demonstrates a central flaw in including Aquaman on the
team: having water-based powers is a pretty serious limitation, along the
lines of a hero whose powers only work on weekends. C-
Batman
Batman gets extra points for having the best line in the entire
history of the Superfriends. The villain was named Dr. Noah Tall or something
equally ludicrous, and he and his evil little sidekick were posed as
street-corner food vendors with a cart and everything. As part of their plan,
they were attempting to get Batman to buy some chicken soup. This REALLY
HAPPENED, DAMMIT! Anyhow, Batman, the dark night detective, the scourge of the
underworld, assessing the situation with his keen crime-fighting brain, asks,
in his deep, stentorian voice, "Is the chicken soup fresh?" It was a glorious
moment. A
Superman
Oh, what are you going to say about Superman? He's got it all going
on. It's really good that he's such a nice guy, because if I was in Superman's
place, I'd be totally lording my powers over all the other Superfriends. "Hey
Batman," I'd say, "Nice utility belt! Got anything in there that would help
you lift an oil tanker? I didn't think so. Hey Aquaman! You realize I could
pretty much kick ass over any sea creature you cared to summon, don't you?
Wonder Woman! Your magic lasso makes me tell the truth: You suck!" So I
suppose we should be grateful. B-
Wonder Woman
Wonder Woman was kind of a grab bag of powers and equipment,
as if she had picked everything up from the superhero equivalent of the
Sharper Image Catalog. She had the Bullet-Reflecting Bracelets ($29.95), the
Mind-Control Lasso ($38.95) and of course the Invisible Plane ($150,000 plus
taxes and license fees). That last one always got to me. It's like a regular
plane, only it's invisible. It doesn't make HER invisible, though. So instead
of this big plane, you see a nice, inconspicuous, flying, squatting
woman. Huh. B-
Zan and Jayna
I don't know if it was ever fully explained why Wendy and
Marvin were replaced by Donny and Marie Osmond in Spock ears, but then
Wendy and Marvin's presence was never adequately explained in the first
place. Zan and Jayna were a definite improvement, because not only were
neither of them named "Marvin," they also had cool powers. Zan's ability to
turn into water objects would have been a bit lame if not for the ice
sculpture loophole, but Jayna definitely was happening with her animal
transformation. Could have done without that Gleek organism, though.
C+
Wendy and Marvin and Wonder-Dog
What? What? Why are these losers hanging out
with the Superfriends? Did they win some sort of lame-ass contest? Are they
somebody's cousins? Wendy didn't even TRY to fit in with the superhero
crowd, and the best Marvin could do was a towel around his neck and a T-shirt
that said "M." And then there was the dog. There's something really sad in the
fact that the Superfriends were hanging out with Scooby-Doo wannabees for so
long. D