The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

I saw the Peacemaker, lots of action, 3 1/2 Babylons, yadda yadda yadda.

Let's talk about the real stories.

There are three things about this movie that we need to discuss.

  1. Dreamworks SKG
  2. George Clooney
  3. Nicole Kidman

OK, first off, Dreamworks. A new studio. A major new player. This Peacemaker flick is their first feature film and they've already won an Oscar (Dear Diary, a live-action short with Bebe Neuwirth.) What does this mean to you and me? Well, if Peacemaker is any indication, not much. I mean a lot of studios could have made this film, in fact, I think a few of them already have. Word is, four different studios actually made this film, then they had a big poker game to establish who would get to release their version theatrically. It looked god for Sony until Geffen pulled to an inside straight and took the pot for Dreamworks. No, really.

Dreamworks SKG is three guys trying to buck the system. They're tired of working for "the man" so they decided to become their own man. Now we have a new man to work for. Isn't that nice? Truth told, I have high hopes for this studio. I think these guys are a lot of fun, they've given us good times in the past and I expect some good times in the future.

Just like any other studio.

Moving on...

George Clooney. The ER babe magnet goes nuclear. His last outing was as the Caped Merchandiser in "Batman and Robin." It sucked. This one doesn't suck. But you know what? Batman wasn't his fault. In fact, Clooney's been pretty darned watchable in every flick he's been in. There's just something cool about him that you gotta like. Deal with it. He was one bad mutha in "From Dusk Til Dawn," one good fatha in "One Fine Day," one slick batdude in "Batman and Robin," and now he's out saving the world. It happens.

Let's just all be glad that the breakaway star from ER was Clooney. I mean Anthony Edwards is a nice guy and all, but I think he would have looked silly in the Batsuit.

Speaking of batsuits, and the people who have looked so well pressed against them...


Yummmmmm. As a blonde (To Die For), brunette (Peacemaker) or curly-haired wench (Far and Away) she's just very, very tasty. And married to Tom Cruise. Bastard. I wonder if I was the only one who watched "Mission: Impossible" and hoped that those helicopter blades would lop his head off. 'Cause then he'd be dead, and she'd be mine.

Now I have heard some awful, awful rumors about her taste in...bed buddies. Well those rumors can all just go away! She's the perfect woman! And with an accent!!!! Wooo!!!! Well, she has an accent sometimes, I mean she's from Australia or England or India or something, right?

I hope I've made my point. Don't think of The Peacemaker as a movie about a story. Think of it as a great publicity move. The Dinosaur Guy builds a studio and grabs a couple of people who's played around in Gotham City and gets them to chase after some lunatic with an atom bomb. Can you say "Cha-ching!"

My only problem with the movie? Not enough Kidman skin. We get my beloved in a bathing suit in a pool, but that's it. Where's the skin? People, people, when you have these mega-babes in your movies, you need to show them off!!!!

I trust you will do better next time.

Editor's Note:

Anybody know a good dating service for Mr. Self-Made? It's getting worse, and he's just becoming obsessed. He mentioned the other day how he thinks we should start reviewing more "adult" fare, like "Naked Lesbian Nymphos From Mars 6."

This used to be a reputable company.


The Peacemaker
Rated: PG-13
Directed by: Mimi Leder
Starring: George Clooney, Niclole Kidman and a really big bomb.

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