Being a slave to ego, I did search in Alta Vista for my name. I got back 65
But only 28 of them are actually me, with 26 of those being Brunching
Shuttlecock articles. (My other two mentions are in an article by a friend of
mine about working with Presidents and the Pope, and my name on a list of past
"Name The Movie Quote" winners.)
That leaves 37 entries under the name "David Neilsen" that are not referring
Of those 37, one is a 14-year old on a youth panel, and the other 36, near as
I can tell are split between two people:
A) A dog breeder in South Carolina
B) a physics professor in Texas.
The breeder I'm not worried about, and only a handful of the entries are
about him. The Physics Professor however, is trouble.
He has about as many entries as I do. And while most of mine are examples of
classic Shuttlecock Comedy, most of his are brilliant physics papers and
theories. This includes his Master's Thesis entitled:
A Search for an Interior Solution in General Relativity Using Lie-Baecklund
Intimidating, isn't it?
So I tried reading it. I failed. Damn. I always thought I was smart. But
it turns out there's a smarter David Neilsen out there. Then I saw a picture.
This guy's a hunk! A total hunk! And he's got a gorgeous wife and two
beautiful kids! And he's a genius!
He's better than me.
Now I've gotten used to being second fiddle in life for a while, but I always
thought that, not matter what else, I'm the best darned David Neilsen I can
Now even that's been taken from me.
Life has no purpose. I am useless.
Let this be a lesson to you all. Don't do a search for your name in Alta
Vista. You don't want to know who's out there.
This is the less important David Neilsen, signing off.