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Antarctica, a frozen wasteland devoid of champagne wishes and caviar dreams. There are no multiplex theaters chains here, no sizzlin' NBA action, no Pharaoh's Kingdom Mini-Golf Family Fun Centers. No, for the faithful few who attempt to carve out a simple life in the white wash of misery, there is little entertainment at all. No human could stand to live in a market so shunned by mass media, but nature isn't as hampered by a short attention span. Animals of all kinds call this perpetual blizzard home. Including the noble penguin. But what is there for a hot young stud of a penguin to do on a lonely Antarctic eternal winter night? How can these young bachelors find any pleasure in this Food Court-less wonderland? They turn to the oldest profession in the books. That the penguins are a flock of flesh peddlers comes as a surprise to no one, Penguin prostitution has been around since the beginning of time. The problem is, it's become a crowded marketplace as more and more hinterland hussies sell their booty for John Q. Penguin's rocks. There is no order, only chaos. But you can help change all of that. The Brunching Shuttlecocks, in association with The United Penguin Pushers of America, is sponsoring the 1st annual "Pimp the Penguins" drive. Our hope is that we can raise enough money to bus some professional pimps down to Antarctica from Detroit or Cleveland. It won't be easy, but with time, patience, and your money, we can get these penguins laid. Please give generously. |
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