A clandestine agency unknown to the world it serves. It's members are the
best kept secret in the universe, guiding civilization as we know it through
evils it would otherwise be forced to face. Protecting the innocent from
horrors unmentionable, without the slightest regard for personal danger.
They are the unsung, the unknown, the unheralded.
They...are the movie critics.
And if you doubt that it's a dangerous job, ask yourself: who warned you away
from Speed 2 and McHale's Navy? You better believe we're protecting you from
But this time, I'm sending you in with all guns blazing. So I got me in to
see another one of them press screenings, which is just the coolest thing in
the world, except that you don't get any previews. The film, the Sci-Fi
action comedy bonanza, Men In Black.
OK, the summer's saved.
See, Lost World, Batman and Pukeface, the aforementioned aquatic disaster,
all bad. All. Bad Hollywood! Bad! It had gotten to the point that I was
studying French in the hopes that maybe I could start liking those foreign
skin flicks, but Hollywood has come to my rescue. It has made a great,
great, great movie.
Yes, the movie audiences came a-calling and once again, Will Smith was there.
You gotta love this guy. And if you don't, you're a poo-poo head. ID4 was
great, and this Independence Day, Will's back with his main man Tommy Lee
Jones to go a few rounds with some freakin' aliens. But don't think for a
moment that this movie has anything to do with last summer's invasion, it
doesn't. There's all kinds of aliens in this baby, some good, some bad, most
just darned funny. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The story. Tommy Lee Jones recruits Will Smith to become one of the Men In
Black. The Men In Black are basically a bunch of guys from Fox Mulder's
(from the X-Files) pipe dreams. They keep track of little green men, not so
little gray men, real little brown men and a host of other non-human-like
things that have come to Earth. Together, Will and Tommy have to take care
of a real bad alien that's wreaking havoc in a way that makes Mike Tyson look
like he's on a diet.
The effects boys pulled out all the stops and created a menagerie of glorious
creatures and effects. Director Barry Sonnenfeld (The Addams Family, Get
Shorty) does a wonderful job with a wonderful script based on the old comic
book series that I've never read but I'm sure is wonderful.
Did I mention that I loved this movie? We all did. All the critics. We
cheered and applauded at the end. We wanted the projectionist to run it
again. We turned ugly and lynched the old man when he refused.
Critics can really posse up and lynch when the mood hits them.
The entire cast is great. From the guy who was on Wings and was in Big Night
to the guy who's on Larry Sanders and was in that old Albert Brooks movie
Defending Your Life to that chick who was in a bunch of stuff but I don't
remember but she's a total babe to some guy who does a great job being a
monster while being a guy to the guy who was Mr. Homme in all the Star Trek
episodes and was Lurch in the Addams Family movies. They're all great! And
there's cat. And a dog. And some bugs.
Oh, I can't really say what happens to the dog, but I approve. I approve
Basically, I approve of this movie. This is what I see movies for. This is
why God made chairs with little cup holders: so you'd have somewhere to put
your drink while you were TOTALLY LOVING THIS MOVIE!!!!!
The fact that it was free and I got to sit behind the taped-off sections was
an added plus. I'd always wanted to do that. Heck, if the folks at Fox had
let me sit in the taped off sections, I would've tried to like Speed 2 more.
I would have failed, but at least I would have tried!
Men In Black. What can I say? Go see it. This is a movie that is sheer
joy. Sheer fun. Don't try to find a hidden meaning in it or anything.
There really isn't much of a message here, this isn't trying to get you to
free the Eskimos or save the Bonsai Forests. If anything, it makes you wanna
step on a few more bugs. That's never a bad thing.
All told, and that's the way we like 'em, Men In Black gets the much
sought-after rating of 5 Babylons. But Mr. Self-Made, you say. There's no
cute pig or Jedi Knight in this one. Well...some of the creatures were as
cute as a cute pig. And besides, with all the interstellar traffic in this
baby, who's to say a Skywalker didn't wander through aimlessly on his way to
Not me. You don't mess with those Jedi dudes.
Where to begin?
OK, the four actors whose careers were so wonderfully summed up earlier are,
in order, Tony Shaloub, Rip Torn, Linda Fiorentino, Vincent D'Onofrio and ...
and ... and the guy who played Mr. Homme on Star Trek and Lurch in the Addams
Any bug lovers out there, please don't send us threatening email about how
bugs are people too. And please don't send us any bugs in general. We're
all pretty darned squeamish down here.
Any other complaints can be kept quietly to yourselves, eating away at you
till they give you an ulcer.
I'm going to bed.
MEN IN BLACK
Directed By: Barry Sonnenfeld
Starring: Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, all the people we mentioned up above
and some Aliens