Kings are cool.
They get to rule the countryside with an iron fist, deflower virgins
and have annoying people beheaded. One look at the direction the
world is taking and it's easy to see that kings are going to be in
hot demand any day now.
So I humbly submit myself for the job of King. Basically, I'm the
best candidate around, and it would behoove everyone to nominate
me King right now before I change my mind and set my sights on
something equally glamorous like whale-hunter or assassin.
Here are some other reasons why I should be King:
My superior skill at Wiffle-Golf
My lactose-intolerance means I won't kowtow to the high-pressure dairy lobby
My love of pets
My majestic features can finally be put to good use
I know all the words to "The Humpty Dance"
I liked "Schindler's List" and "Ghandi"
"Foreign policy, schmoreign policy, just nuke the bastards."
I floss weekly
I've never been in a rock band
My charismatic nick-name: "Hunky"
My intimate knowledge of peaches
I called dibs