Once more unto the franchise, dear movie-goers, once more;
Or close the theatres up with our Asteroid dead.
In summer there's nothing so becomes a film
As simplistic story and familiar characters:
But when the blast of the box-office blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of yesteryear's blockbusters;
Dredge up Gibson, summon up Glover,
Disguise Chris Rock with gentle intentions;
Then lend Rene Russo a miniscule part;
Let pry through the character of Joe Pesci
Like the brass cannon; let the culmination o'erwhelm it,
As completely as did Altman's Short Cuts,
O'erfill the stars in this Weapon Lethal,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful violence.
Now set the camp and send the explosions high,
Hold hard the humor and bend up every punchline
To his full schmaltz. On, on, you eldest Franchise.
Whose characters are old from decades of mis-use!
Gibson that, like so many Stallones and Schwarzeneggers,
Has in these parts for decades played till incredible age
And sheathed his gun for lack of youth:
Dishonours not his fans; now attest
That movies whom you call'd blockbusters did beget this.
It is a copy now to films of bloody Gross,
And builds upon their stunts. And you, good film-goer,
Whose dollar bills are sent to Hollywood, enjoy here
The essence of the action flick; let me swear
That this is worth its breeding; which I did doubt not;
For there is no Franchise so mean and base,
That hath not noble lustre in our eyes.
This film stands like joy in the theater,
Though straining for a plot. The film's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this review
Cry '3 3/4 Babylons for Lethal Weapon 4!'
My apologies to William Shakespeare. Or anyone who has ever portrayed Henry V
on stage. Or anyone who has ever read the play, or any of Shakespeare's
plays. Or anyone who has ever heard of Henry V. Or anyone who knows someone
Lethal Weapon 4
Directed By: Richard Donner
Starring: Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Rene Russo, Chris Rock, Joe Pesci, Jet Li
some good old-fashioned Gore and Ye Old Bard.