by David Neilsen

Welcome, my hungry friends, to Jurassic Grill.

My name is Heddy, and I'll be your Velociwaiter for the evening.

Allow me to go over our specials of the day for you.

First of all, we have a wonderful Saute De Dimetrodon. Freshly slaughtered Dimetrodon, hunted and prepared within minutes of your order, sauted with onions, garlic and an exquisite cream paste. This comes with brown rice or a vegetable pilaf. It is also available raw.

Next we have a T-Bone Apatosaurus steaks. These delicacies are roasted over an open flame and covered with a Texas-style mesquite barbecue sauce. All our Apatosaurus steaks are 100% dead, and grown on fields of only the highest quality grain.

For the adventurous diner, we have the Chaos Flambe. Some of the finest chaos mathematicians in the world, diced up and served with red peppers and a light olive sauce. Our mathematicians are kept in a pen in the back where they mumble incoherently to themselves all day, trying to explain how a butterfly flapping its wings in New York got them stuck in our cage, waiting to be brought to your table. We also are proud to serve them in little meat strips, perfect for dipping!

Our last special is the Predator's Surprise. Basically, we'll go out the back door and hunt and maim someone on the street randomly and bring him or her to your table, prepared however you like. This is our freshest dish, and often comes with loud screaming in terror or fear. Serves two.

Have you decided? No? Well, while you think it over, can I interest you in something to get you started? We have Bacon and Cheddar Hunter Skins, which come with three sauces; innards, blood, and sour cream. We also have a hummus and pita dip and of course, our world famous curly-haired fries.

Again, if you need anything at all, my name is Heddy, but we Velociwaiters work in packs, so just flag one of us down and we'll be glad to help. Feel free to view our live prey in the tank on the left and select your own meal, we take great pride in the ability to personalize each and every dining experience. Most of our items on the menu come with a complete personal background such as name, religion and favorite books. But we urge you to take other people's feelings into consideration and not to play with your food too much.

Bon Appetit!