The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

Markle's Findings

Recently, The Markle Foundation released its long awaited "Major Study On Governing the Internet."

This study concluded many interesting things about the internet and the people who use it. Aside from the obvious results, things like online users approve of the Internet more than the general public (83%-63%), online users are smarter than the non-online users (48%-20% have a college degree), online users are more wealthy than non-online users (25%-7% earn $75K+ per year),online users are more likely to use ATM machines than non-online users (71%-48%) and so forth, they came up with some less publicized, but equally eye-opening findings

Rather than force you to wade through the over 100 pages of facts and gobbledygook, we've listed the most important findings below.

You can thank us later.

Likely to smell good.

Online Users: 77%
General Public: 62%
Non-online Users: 34%
Flowers: 69%

Likely to raise a cute puppy to adulthood without leaving life-altering traumatic scars on said puppy.

Online Users: 64%
General Public: 45%
Non-online Users: 21%
Cat People: 2%

Likely to completely understand and appreciate Speilberg's A.I.

Online Users: 16%
General Public: 4%
Non-online Users: 1%
Haley Joel Osment: 35%

Likely to accurately define the word "lateen."

Online Users: 84%
General Public 54%
Non-online Users: 27%
Greeks: 74%

Likely to enjoy Pro-Wrestling

Online Users: 44%
General Public 52%
Non-online Users: 88%

Likely to accurately predict Pro-Wrestling.

Online Users: 99%
General Public 76%
Non-online Users: 20%

Likely to hatch diabolical plan of world domination.

Online Users: 68%
General Public: 44%
Non-online Users: 37%
Mahir: 73%

Likely to invent something having to do with downloading fake nude images of Gillian Anderson and/or David Duchovny.

Online Users: 82%
General Public: 51%
Non-online Users: 3%
Robert Patrick: 17%

Likely to sport a mullet.

Online users: 14%
General Public: 22%
Non-online Users: 35%
Haley Joel Osment: 68%

Likely to name all 77 Original Star Trek episodes.

Online Users: 83%
General Public: 42%
Non-online Users: 11%
There were 78 episodes. Plus the unsold Pilot: 5%

Likely to bother reading the Markle Report.

Online Users: 0%
General Public: 0%
Non-online Users: 0%
Waiting for the Pop-up book: 3%

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