Over a month ago, The Insider was released and reviewed by The Self-Made
Critic. However, due to corporate pressure from The Brunching Shuttlecocks,
we were unable to broadcast this review, for fear of attracting a lawsuit
that would impede an impending sale of an Atari 2600. However, journalistic
integrity has finally won out, and we can now bring you the original review,
uncut and uncensored. Were the suits right to censor this review? We'll let
the American public be the final judge.
Down with corporate greed, down with Big Money, down with the Seven Dwarves!
When honesty and integrity are set aside to further the interests of Huge
Conglomerates, the public needs to stand and fight for freedom!
The movie that has gotten me all riled up is The Insider, a true story about
evil people taking advantage of good people. The good people are Russell
Crowe and Al Pacino. The bad people are just about everyone else, except
maybe Christopher Plummer, who is on the fence.
Crowe stars as Jeffery Wigand, a high mucky-muck in a big tobacco firm who
grows a conscience and blows the whistle on how absolutely evil everyone is
who works in tobacco. Pacino stars as Lowell Bergman, a producer for 60
Minutes who gets hold of the story and tries to air it on 60 Minutes, only to
have CBS censor the piece.
The Tobacco Bullies lean on Wigand, they lean on Bergman, they lean on CBS,
they lean on the state of Kentucky, they lean on an old fence post for some
rest. They're evil! Tobacco is evil!
The movie is fine and the acting is fine and the directing is fine.
Actually, the directing is really, really fine, because I was very interested
for over two hours in a story with no sex, no violence to speak of, and no
real surprises. That's not point. Down with evil! Big Business is evil!
All corporations are evil! Even organizations as seemingly harmless as The
Brunching Shuttlecocks or Atari are evil. When public safety is set aside
for the betterment of the all-mighty dollar, desperate measures are needed.
With this movie (no, not a movie, a political statement! A call to arms!) we
are being warned that our society has become ruled by greed. When Crowe
wants to tell America that smoking is not only bad for you, but that the
people who make tobacco are doing their best to make it worse, the tobacco
people try to stop him! The horror! Then, when Pacino wants to tell America
this important story, CBS stops him! What's next, sheer anarchy?
Rise up! Rise up and put a stop to the madness! Stop the evil!
While watching this latest depiction of the common man's struggle against
oppression, I thought about what kind of punishment was best suited for the
bad guys. Hanging? Castration? Forced attendance at a Marilyn Manson
concert? The possibilities, both humane and inhumane, are limitless.
In all, The Insider, as a movie, gets 4 Babylons. As a prelude to a
political movement, it gets 5, 6, perchance 7 Babylons! We must protect the
little guy from evil! Solidarity, brothers!
The preceding opinion was that of The Self-Made Critic alone. No one else
even remotely connected to The Critic shares his views. We here at the
Brunching Shuttlecocks believe that we are not, in fact evil. We think we're
pretty darned cool.
Here's your homework, dear reader: re-read the SMC's review of Kull the
Conqueror, form an opinion about the SMC based on that review, and then
you'll realize that the only political movement involving the SMC will take
place entirely in his bathroom.
Directed By: Michael Mann
Starring: Russell Crowe, Al Pacino, Christopher Plummer and the true power of