The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

Football is a game of men fighting men in the trenches, waging war in an effort to triumph over the other team.

It's also a game about superstitions. NFL teams often hold bizarre rituals before upcoming games in an effort to woo Lady Luck to their side. This weekend was the start of the NFL Playoffs, and the eight teams involved in the four games of the week each preformed their different ceremonies. And as in war, the best rituals won the game.

Game 1 -- Miami Dolphins vs Buffalo Bills

Miami QB Dan Marino has never beaten Buffalo QB Doug Flutie, so he tried to exercise that demon by burning 479 boxes of Flutie Flakes.

Buffalo preformed voodoo by eating 78 cans of non-dolphin-safe tuna.

Result -- Miami 24, Buffalo 17

Game 2 -- Arizona Cardinals vs. Dallas Cowboys

Arizona, not having won a playoff game since 1947, turned back the clock by raising the spirits of the dead members of that last championship team and challenging them to a game of checkers.

Dallas got ready for their game by purchasing 108 pounds of Bolivian cocaine and sexually harassing 24 women in their hotel rooms.

Result -- Arizona 20, Dallas 7

Game 3 -- Jacksonville Jaguars vs. New England Patriots

Jacksonville, having never beaten the Patriots before in their short history, seceded from the Union and spent the week before the game talking with British accents.

New England spent the week surfing in Florida. They knew they weren't gonna win with their starting QB out with an injured finger.

Result -- Jacksonville 25, New England 10

Game 4 -- San Francisco 49ers vs. Green Bay Packers

The City of San Francisco, having lost 5 straight to Green Bay -- including three straight playoff loses, held a "San Francisco Cheese Party" and tosses 385 cubic feet of cheese into the San Francisco Bay, destroying its fragile ecosystem.

Green Bay, having defeated the 49ers five straight times -- including three straight playoff victories, figured they didn't have to do anything. I mean they OWN these guys.

Result -- San Francisco 30, Green Bay 27

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