As you know, times are tough. Web sites are resorting to increasingly desperate measures to remain up and running. We at the Brunching Shuttlecocks, for instance, just ran a fairly invasive ad campaign. While we appreciate Comedy Central for helping us keep going for a bit longer, an ideal solution would not involve puppets jumping out and making noises at you.

Not wanting to sell subscriptions, beg for donations, or demand that every single reader buy three T-shirts, I've decided to take a revolutionary new approach to funding the Web site.

I'm going to get a job.

Let's face it, I love running The Brunching Shuttlecocks site. I love the challenge, I love the feedback, I love the friends I've made. If I have to pay out of pocket to keep our ISP happy, that's completely worth it. But I need something going into my pockets, first.

To make this more interesting--and to justify it as a feature--I'm going to turn this into a contest. Whoever provides me with the tip or contact that leads to me getting full-time work will receive a signed copy of the galley proof to "The Book of Ratings" and a T-shirt. (A galley proof is a pre-publication copy of a book often sent to reviewers and bookstore owners. In essence, a preview copy.) More details on the contest will be provided below, after I present my qualifications.

To begin with, I live in Oakland, California. Ideally, I'd like to work in San Francisco or the East Bay, but anywhere in the greater Bay Area is fine, as far south as Santa Cruz and as far north as Petaluma. The Los Angeles area would be good, too. And if the job is right and the company's willing to pay for relocation, I'll work anywhere with a sushi restaurant and a comic book shop.

I've spent the last seven years up to my elbows in Web development and server administration, not only for Brunching, but at various points for companies like Netscape, AOL, and SGI. I'm extremely well-versed in Perl and PHP, and very comfortable with Javascript, ASP and SQL. I know enough Java to have written a log analyzer and enough C to code mods for Neverwinter Nights. On the administration part of it, I've been keeping a pair of Apache-running Linux servers up and networked for years, as well as keeping a nifty multi-platform home network going. I'm up on Mac, various flavors of Windows, and a handful of UNIX variants. Oh, and I'm good with Flash, including some intricate ActionScripting.

I am also, obviously enough, a writer. Not only am I writing this at this very moment, I've also done music and technology reviews for the Santa Cruz Sentinel. If you're looking for someone who can put words together coherently and compellingly, I think this site and my upcoming book speak for themselves.

If you have a position for which you think I'd be suited, e-mail me at hirelore@brunching.com and I'll send out a resume. Or, if you'd like to talk to me personally, you can call the Brunchline at 510-847-4030.

Contest details: The first person who sends me information about a given position gets the prize, if I am subsequently hired to that position full-time as an employee. Pointing me to a listing on Craigslist, Monster.com, a classified ad section or a similar employment clearinghouse site doesn't count, because I'm keeping my eye on those myself. Pointing me to a job listing on the Web page of the company actually doing the hiring is fine. If you can actually put my resume in the hands of someone with hiring power, that's ideal and it qualifies for the contest even if the position is listed on employment sites. If I find a job on my own, I keep the prizes. This contest ends when I get a full-time job, or if for whatever reason I decide to stop looking. This contest is open to anyone worldwide: if I can get a great job in, say, Sweden, I'll take it.