Erin Brockovich
reviewed by The Self-Made Critic

Never trust a lawyer unless she's really, really pretty.

This is the underlying theme of the new Julia Roberts movie, Erin Brockovich. Julia plays Erin Brokovich (What, you think she'd be in a movie where someone else was the title roll? I'm surprised she agreed to be in Notting Hill without having to actually play Notting Hill itself.), and Erin is a very pretty lawyer-type person. Actually, before the flood of corrective emails pour in, I should state that Erin isn't really a lawyer, she just works for one. That said, I'm gonna call her a lawyer for the rest of the review.

Erin is down-on-her-luck when she gets smashed in a horrible car accident. (With Julia doing some amazing stunt driving) Her lawyer loses her open-and-shut case, so she makes him give her a job. Then she starts digging into a pro bono case and before ya know it, she's knee-deep into The American Dream, a huge lawsuit against a wealthy conglomerate. I don't want to give away the ending, so I'm gonna stop there and also hope that you haven't read a newspaper in the last 10 years. Plus, they made a movie about it. When's the last time they made a movie about someone who lost a case?

The movie is based on a true story, so right now, the real Erin Brockovich is probably impossible to be around because they got Julia Roberts to play her in the movie. "Hey! See my movie! Aren't I amazingly pretty? I must be if Julia Roberts is playing me!" And when you remember that it's all true, well that just helps you lose a little more faith in mankind in general.

Actually, it's a pretty preposterous case. The guilty are so guilty it's sickening.

"Over four hundred residents in this tiny community have gotten sick or died in the last few years. We've had every form of cancer known to man, massive organ failure, 278 different blood-related diseases, athlete's foot, mutated children, polio, the Black Plague and sniffles that have lasted for 37 years. But those nice people at the power plant across the street assure us that the mysterious goo they've been dumping into the ground water since World War I has nothing to do with it."

I'm exaggerating, but not by much.

As Erin Brockovich, Julia spends most of this movie getting her way by using her wits, brains, and legal brilliance.

Oh, who am I kidding. She dresses like a tramp and flashes her breasts everywhere she goes to make guys do things for her. It's quite effective. Whoever negotiated the Wonderbra product placement should get a Clio. I for one, want to be the first in line to nominate this film for Best Costumes. Or rather, Best Lack of Costumes.

Actually, the film is quite good. Julia is even better than her breasts would at first indicate. The story is gripping and emotional. Aaron Eckhart and Albert Finney both give wonderful performances as her boyfriend and lawyer respectively. Albert is especially good, and if this movie had been released around the time of, say The Talented Mr. Limpet, everyone would be talking Albert for an Oscar, not Jude Law.

If you want to see a gripping tale of the little guy vs. the big meanie, then you should see this film. But if you live anywhere near a power plant of any kind, you may want to skip it, trust me, you'll sleep better.

I'm giving Erin Brockovich 4 Babylons. A quality movie with Julia's quality cleavage.

Editor's Note:

Erin Brockovich
Rated: R
Directed By: Steven Soderbergh
Starring: Julia Roberts, Albert Finney, Julia's left boobie, Aaron Eckhart, Julia's right boobie and The Law.