The Christian Action Network, a Florida-based fundamentalist group that
seeks attention by calling for boycotts, called for a boycott of Disney
World this week because of an annual, non-park sponsored event called "Gay
Days" during which Gay people show up to the park and aren't beaten up by
the Christian Action Network.
The group demands the park to "warn" families who plan on going to the park
when gay people show up en masse and will boycott until such time.
We here at the Brunching Action Network feel that is not enough. There is
plenty of other debauchery to be found at Disney World, and an unsuspecting
public must be protected.
WARNING: Body Wars Causes Gender Confusion
Body Wars is an Epcot ride that transports the audience into the body of a
man, where Elizabeth Shue resides. Impressionable youth might believe
there's a popular actress inside of their bodies too, and no telling what
they'll do to get her out.
WARNING: "Pee-Pee" is easily substituted for "Tiki" In The "Enchanted Tiki Room"
It's inevitable -- some 13-year-old, stuck with his younger siblings in the
1960s-era "Enchanted Tiki Room" will, to pass the time, substitute
"Pee-Pee" for "Tiki" in the catchy "Tiki-tiki-tiki room" song, and thus
make said younger siblings giggle. Such urological humor is suggestive and
could lead to accidents by the incontinent.
WARNING: "Ellen's Energy Adventure" Features Lesbian Energy
On the plus side, Epcot's "Universe of Energy", (brought to you by Exxon)
does have a lot of discussion of fossil fuels. But lesbian host Ellen
Degeneres may cause kids to question their sexuality as they
are overcome by the wonders of oil and natural gas.
WARNING: "Mike Fink Keelboats" Not As Fun As It Looks
Okay, this is not really a moral or ethical boycott. But trust me, after
waiting a half hour, it really is kind of a let-down.
WARNING: "Pirates of Caribbean" Loses Kids' Religion
Everburning flames at the end of the ride are an impressive special
effect, but might steer kids away from the true miracle of the burning
WARNING: It's Not Really A Small World
Young kids will be confused by both the possibility that the world is
easily traversed by small boat, and that, if dressed in ethno-stereotypical
garb, people will get along with one another.
WARNING: The Main Street Candy Shop has Revolving, Vibrating Musical Lollipops.
Kids could easily purchase these lollipops and use them for activities
other than their original licking, sucking, and song-play purpose. Plus,
it's just wrong.
WARNING: Minnie Looks A Hell Of A Lot Like Mickey In A Dress
The same is true for that female duck Donald sometimes hangs out with.
WARNING: "Orgasmic" Is Easily Substituted For "Fantasmic" In The Fantasmic Show
Says it all.