The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

The Christian Action Network, a Florida-based fundamentalist group that seeks attention by calling for boycotts, called for a boycott of Disney World this week because of an annual, non-park sponsored event called "Gay Days" during which Gay people show up to the park and aren't beaten up by the Christian Action Network.

The group demands the park to "warn" families who plan on going to the park when gay people show up en masse and will boycott until such time.

We here at the Brunching Action Network feel that is not enough. There is plenty of other debauchery to be found at Disney World, and an unsuspecting public must be protected.

WARNING: Body Wars Causes Gender Confusion

Body Wars is an Epcot ride that transports the audience into the body of a man, where Elizabeth Shue resides. Impressionable youth might believe there's a popular actress inside of their bodies too, and no telling what they'll do to get her out.

WARNING: "Pee-Pee" is easily substituted for "Tiki" In The "Enchanted Tiki Room"

It's inevitable -- some 13-year-old, stuck with his younger siblings in the 1960s-era "Enchanted Tiki Room" will, to pass the time, substitute "Pee-Pee" for "Tiki" in the catchy "Tiki-tiki-tiki room" song, and thus make said younger siblings giggle. Such urological humor is suggestive and could lead to accidents by the incontinent.

WARNING: "Ellen's Energy Adventure" Features Lesbian Energy

On the plus side, Epcot's "Universe of Energy", (brought to you by Exxon) does have a lot of discussion of fossil fuels. But lesbian host Ellen Degeneres may cause kids to question their sexuality as they are overcome by the wonders of oil and natural gas.

WARNING: "Mike Fink Keelboats" Not As Fun As It Looks

Okay, this is not really a moral or ethical boycott. But trust me, after waiting a half hour, it really is kind of a let-down.

WARNING: "Pirates of Caribbean" Loses Kids' Religion

Everburning flames at the end of the ride are an impressive special effect, but might steer kids away from the true miracle of the burning bush.

WARNING: It's Not Really A Small World

Young kids will be confused by both the possibility that the world is easily traversed by small boat, and that, if dressed in ethno-stereotypical garb, people will get along with one another.

WARNING: The Main Street Candy Shop has Revolving, Vibrating Musical Lollipops.

Kids could easily purchase these lollipops and use them for activities other than their original licking, sucking, and song-play purpose. Plus, it's just wrong.

WARNING: Minnie Looks A Hell Of A Lot Like Mickey In A Dress

The same is true for that female duck Donald sometimes hangs out with.

WARNING: "Orgasmic" Is Easily Substituted For "Fantasmic" In The Fantasmic Show

Says it all.

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