The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

Scenes from Bill Gates' deposition in the Microsoft Antitrust Trial:

Boies: You don't think Microsoft put undue pressure on corporate account managers?

Gates: Well, that depends on what you mean by "undue," "pressure," "corporate," "account," and "managers."

Boies: So it was at that point when you started developing Microsoft's browser?

Gates: What's that word again?

Boies: "Browser"?

Gates: No, the one before that.

Boies: Er, "Microsoft"?

Gates: Yeah. (pause) What's that?

Boies: And this e-mail where you state, "We shall crush the Mountain View infidels beneath our mighty, mighty feet, and the rivers shall flow with their blood, and the wailing of their women shall be heard across the land?"

Gates: Well, again, we were going to do that by making great products that people enjoy using.

Boies: You go on to say, "And hearest thou me, Mongo, they shall be helpless to resist yea even our first blow, from the terrible fist that is Windows?

Gates: Well, by that I meant that we were just going to sit around and hope they would execute poorly.

Gates: May I be excused for a minute? I have to pee.

Boies: Certainly.

(Gates exits, and we hear a door open and close. After a few seconds, we hear Gates' muffled voice)

Gates: What the hell is this thing?

More by Craig Demel Back to The Shuttlecocks Homepage