How does he do it?
Recently, after seeing the latest Jackie Chan release, Operation Condor,
which was actually originally made about five years ago under a different
name, I wanted to get to the bottom of just how Jackie Chan manages to do the
most amazing stunts imaginable time and time again. So I set up an interview
with the man himself. However, since he wasn't currently on the continent, I
had to settle for an interview with a guy who has seen most of his movies,
Self-Made Critic: Shep, you've seen Jackie's movie, how does he do it?
Shep Ripple: Well Mr. Self-Made Critic, basically, he's a god.
SMC: A god?
SR: Yeah, see he just kicks some serious ass and everyone else knows to just
get the heck out of his way. You don't mess with Jackie.
SMC: I see. In his latest adventure, Operation Condor, he roams the Sahara
with three lovely ladies. What did you think of that?
SR: They were cool, although they don't just totally whip the bad guys like
Jackie. I mean only Jackie could do that awesome wind tunnel scene.
SMC: Ah yes, the wind tunnel scene. Never before has a man's face done so
much with so little.
SR: Dude, Jackie is funny! I mean this flick is his funniest yet. I was
kicking the chair in front of me it was so funny!
SMC: Yes, my back thanks you. Now, about the plot...
SR: Plot? We don't need no stinking plot! This is a Jackie flick. Plots
are secondary! We're here to see him stomp the bad boys!
SMC: Well OK. But didn't you find amusement in his go at an Indiana
SR: Wha? Dude, it was radio station KJAK: all Jackie, all day and all
night. They send Jackie out to get some buried Nazi gold, and he's followed
by some mean bad guys and some comic bad guys and he's joined by the chicks
and he sets out into the Sahara to find the lost city and then he gets beat
up and he beats people up and there's a wind tunnel and a secret key and lots
of old skeletons and an idol and a cool-ass key. There ya go.
SMC: I see you paid attention.
SR: Dude, it doesn't matter. Bottom line, did Jackie defy gravity? Yes.
SMC: This film was also directed by your beloved Jackie, do you think that
added to the experience?
SR: Yes, yes, yes a thousand times yes! He knows his stuff, and made other
people as awesome as him. I mean there was this one scene where a complete
extra who was on screen for all of a tenth of a second who did this gnarly
stunt that made the crowd gasp. This was a nobody extra! Lord knows what
Jackie made his regular cast members do!
SMC: Sounds like you enjoyed it.
SR: Dude, all the way! We're talking major pizza-eating yummie good!
SMC:...I see. Thank you Mr. Ripple for your time.
SR: No prob man, you're the greatest. My grandma loves you!
And so ends my interview, hoped you liked it.
The movie was fun. Senseless but fun. I give it 3 1/2 Babylons. If you
love Jackie, see it, it's one of his good ones. If you don't like Jackie,
don't see it, he's got a pretty big part in this baby. If you don't know if
you like Jackie, find out. Then decide accordingly.
Shep Ripple does not work for Self-Made Inc., or its parent company, The
Brunching Shuttlecocks, or Disney. Not that Self-Made or The Shuttlecocks
have anything to do with Disney, I just thought you should all know that Shep
doesn't work for Disney. He works for a Del Taco on the west side.
Cooks up a mean burrito, but he's been known to spit in the sauce. Not
someone you want to date your daughter.
Directed by: Jackie Chan
Starring: Jackie Chan
Story by: Jackie Chan and some other guy
Produced by: Jackie Chan and some other people
Dirt Removed by: Jackie Chan
Fake Blood Formula Mixed by: Jackie Chan
The Capitol of Nigeria is: Jackie Chan