The Brunching Shuttlecocks Features

How does he do it?

Recently, after seeing the latest Jackie Chan release, Operation Condor, which was actually originally made about five years ago under a different name, I wanted to get to the bottom of just how Jackie Chan manages to do the most amazing stunts imaginable time and time again. So I set up an interview with the man himself. However, since he wasn't currently on the continent, I had to settle for an interview with a guy who has seen most of his movies, Shep Ripple.

Self-Made Critic: Shep, you've seen Jackie's movie, how does he do it?

Shep Ripple: Well Mr. Self-Made Critic, basically, he's a god.

SMC: A god?

SR: Yeah, see he just kicks some serious ass and everyone else knows to just get the heck out of his way. You don't mess with Jackie.

SMC: I see. In his latest adventure, Operation Condor, he roams the Sahara with three lovely ladies. What did you think of that?

SR: They were cool, although they don't just totally whip the bad guys like Jackie. I mean only Jackie could do that awesome wind tunnel scene.

SMC: Ah yes, the wind tunnel scene. Never before has a man's face done so much with so little.

SR: Dude, Jackie is funny! I mean this flick is his funniest yet. I was kicking the chair in front of me it was so funny!

SMC: Yes, my back thanks you. Now, about the plot...

SR: Plot? We don't need no stinking plot! This is a Jackie flick. Plots are secondary! We're here to see him stomp the bad boys!

SMC: Well OK. But didn't you find amusement in his go at an Indiana Jones-type adventure?

SR: Wha? Dude, it was radio station KJAK: all Jackie, all day and all night. They send Jackie out to get some buried Nazi gold, and he's followed by some mean bad guys and some comic bad guys and he's joined by the chicks and he sets out into the Sahara to find the lost city and then he gets beat up and he beats people up and there's a wind tunnel and a secret key and lots of old skeletons and an idol and a cool-ass key. There ya go.

SMC: I see you paid attention.

SR: Dude, it doesn't matter. Bottom line, did Jackie defy gravity? Yes. 'Nuff said.

SMC: This film was also directed by your beloved Jackie, do you think that added to the experience?

SR: Yes, yes, yes a thousand times yes! He knows his stuff, and made other people as awesome as him. I mean there was this one scene where a complete extra who was on screen for all of a tenth of a second who did this gnarly stunt that made the crowd gasp. This was a nobody extra! Lord knows what Jackie made his regular cast members do!

SMC: Sounds like you enjoyed it.

SR: Dude, all the way! We're talking major pizza-eating yummie good!

SMC:...I see. Thank you Mr. Ripple for your time.

SR: No prob man, you're the greatest. My grandma loves you!

And so ends my interview, hoped you liked it.

The movie was fun. Senseless but fun. I give it 3 1/2 Babylons. If you love Jackie, see it, it's one of his good ones. If you don't like Jackie, don't see it, he's got a pretty big part in this baby. If you don't know if you like Jackie, find out. Then decide accordingly.

Got it?

Editor's Note:

Shep Ripple does not work for Self-Made Inc., or its parent company, The Brunching Shuttlecocks, or Disney. Not that Self-Made or The Shuttlecocks have anything to do with Disney, I just thought you should all know that Shep doesn't work for Disney. He works for a Del Taco on the west side.

Cooks up a mean burrito, but he's been known to spit in the sauce. Not someone you want to date your daughter.

Rated: PG-13
Directed by: Jackie Chan
Starring: Jackie Chan
Story by: Jackie Chan and some other guy
Produced by: Jackie Chan and some other people
Dirt Removed by: Jackie Chan
Fake Blood Formula Mixed by: Jackie Chan
The Capitol of Nigeria is: Jackie Chan

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