Bring It On
reviewed by The Self-Made Critic

Ready?

OK!

I saw a movie and it was really silly
A bunch of cheerleaders were jumping willy-nilly
The white girls thought, that they were the best
But then the black girls came to put them to the test
They had the moves
The groves
The bump and the grind
And the desire
The fire
To kick whitey's behind

Go Self-Made! Go Self-Made!
Go! Go! Go Self-Made!
Go Self-Made! Go Self-Made!
Go! Go! Go Self-Made!

The cheering was done, and it really was impressive
Lots of high school girls doing moves that are suggestive
The white girls were led by a perky Kirsten Dunst
Who fell for a new guy, even though he was a putz
He had a sister
With dark hair
Who also joined the squad
But she was different
Enlightened
With a rockin' gymnast's bod

Go Self-Made! Go Self-Made!
Go! Go! Go Self-Made!
Go Self-Made! Go Self-Made!
Go! Go! Go Self-Made!

Eventually, the two teams had to cheer it out
At Daytona on TV, they would dance and they would shout
As you watch them dance, you cannot help but fawn
That's the whole point of this flick called Bring It On

Go Self-Made! Go Self-Made!
Go! Go! Go Self-Made!
Go Self-Made! Go Self-Made!
Go! Go! Go Self-Made!

Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go Brunching go!!!!!! We're the best!!! Wooo!!!!!

Yes. I succumbed to the ultimate in guilty pleasures. I saw the High School cheerleading movie, Bring It On.

It's not horrible. It's no Gandhi or Shindler's List, but it's not horrible.

Preppy high school Rancho Carne (love that name) has been national cheerleading champion for five years in a row. Suddenly they discover that all their routines have been stolen from an East Compton high school squad.

The gauntlet is thrown! Can they create their own cheers? Will they be able to back flip their way to success?

OK, so it's not brain surgery. Kirsten Dunst plays the head cheerleader with pangs of guilt. But she very deftly portrays a girl who, in her own words, is only a cheerleader. That's all she is and she knows it. Makes you wonder what kind of sequel this movie could pump out.

Would you enjoy this movie? Possibly. Don't expect anything deep. Don't expect anything important and meaningful. Expect a bunch of high school girls jumping very high into the air and twirling around and basically doing things with their bodies you just don't see outside of the circus.

I'd love to tell you all how this movie very humorously portrays the high school life and the mythos of the cheerleader, but I was never cheerleader, never dated a cheerleader, and never was really able to get a cheerleader to talk to me in high school, so I wouldn't know. But everyone can relate to a time when they were a part of a small group and that group was the entire school. For some it may have been a sports team, for others the drama class, for others, the chess club or the academic decathlon team, but we've all been there. Imagine when everything you know about your own personal world is proven to be a lie. A lie!

There's your movie.

See, Kirsten Dunst (I'm really have no idea what her character's name is, she was the head white cheerleader) is having her world crumble around her. Her boyfriend is off in college, her team has been using stolen cheers to win championships, and all of her friends are looking to bring her down from her mighty perch at the top. Tough stuff. Food for thought.

Personally, I would have liked to see more from the East Compton squad. From the posters, I thought this movie would be the stories of the two squads, balancing each other out thematically, but instead, the urban cheerleaders are a plot device, never given a chance to really fill out their character arcs in any way. They're mad, they want to get even, they cheer. End of sub-plot.

All told, Bring It On picks up 3 Babylons. It was not a great movie, but not a horrible movie. Check it out if you want to relive high school. If you were a cheerleader, that is.

Editor's Note:

You guys have never seen the SMC, but when he brought me this review to edit, he actually did the cheer for me, which I thought was very considerate. The plaid pleated skirt was a bit much though.

Bring It On
Rated: PG-13
Directed By: Peyton Reed
Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Jesse Bradford, Eliza Dushku, Gabrielle Union, Clare Kramer, Shep Ripple, Tsianina Joelson, you want me to go on?, Micheal McCafferty, Ian Roberts, Rini Bell, Nicole Bilderback, now we're at characters named "Argumentative Girl" and "Been Crying For Hours Girl" but I can keep going if you want me to, Marie Cole, Ryan Drummond, let's be honest, you have never heard of any of these people aside from Kirsten Dunst have you?, Shamari Fears, Carla Mackauf, I could just make these names up if I wanted to, you'd never know unless you bothered to check, Cody McMains, Tracy Pacheco, Natina Reed, and another four hundred girls and boys who can jump up and down and chant rhythmically.